Page 56 of Somewhere Only We Know

‘Like my mom and dad, when I left the States,’ Jackson said. ‘My dad trying to tuck dollar bills into my pocket and my mom crying because she thought she’d wanted me to go and have my adventure until the moment I was actually doing it.’

My mum hadn’t said anything like that, only wanting to know where I’d got the money to pay for my air fare and asking whether, if I was that well-off, I could lend her some to get her hair done. I’d given Kat money from my savings to tide her over while I was away. She hadn’t been able to have a job because she’d been revising for her A-levels. She’d almost cried with gratitude.

The baby turtles crawled towards the water, their tiny fins flailing as they mastered the art of movement. It was an incredible sight to witness.

‘Look at that,’ I marvelled, ‘so instinctive, the way they run to the sea, to freedom.’

We moved down the beach with them, like parents whose kids had just learned to walk, wanting to give them independence, but remaining close enough to intervene if necessary.

‘Who can blame them,’ Jackson said. ‘Isn’t that what we all want – freedom?’

I thought about that for a moment and decided that it wasn’t what I wanted long term. I was enjoying my freedom this summer but eventually I wanted security, especially financially. I wanted to know what was coming, I wanted to have a plan and stick to it. Freedom represented the unknown to me and I didn’t feel equipped to cope with that.

‘Have you ever wanted to travel, Utt?’ I asked.

‘Oh no,’ he said, shaking his head as if it was the last thing he’d ever wish to do. ‘People travel to search for something they do not have. I have everything I want. My family, this beautiful country. My roots are here, my soul is at peace here.’

The passion in his voice brought a lump to my throat.

‘That’s lovely,’ I said. ‘My soul is at peace too.’

I thought of what lay ahead for me back in the UK and I felt my spirits sink. My final year at uni, the paper I would have to write, my tiny room in the shared house. I liked university, but I was ready for it to be over, for my life to start. But leaving here, saying goodbye to Jackson, was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done.

‘Ooooh,’ Jackson teased. ‘She’s finally weakening, Utt, I think we’re winning her round.’

I laughed. ‘Bali has my heart, that’s for sure.’

‘You watch them until they reach water.’ Utt got to his feet and picked up the bucket. ‘I go back now. See you tomorrow.’

‘Goodnight, Utt,’ we said in unison.

‘We’ll make sure they stay safe,’ I added.

He turned back and raised a hand in a wave.

‘She is a good woman,’ he said to Jackson. ‘Good heart, good head.’

‘I know,’ said Jackson, earnestly holding my gaze, and I was glad that the moonlight hid my blushes.

‘So it’s only Bali that has your heart?’ he murmured once Utt was out of earshot.

‘Well,’ I said, closing the gap between us and taking hold of his hands. ‘Bali will always be associated with the happiest summer of my life, and you may have had something to do with that, so …’

‘Come with me,’ he blurted out, sliding his fingers along my shoulder to the back of my neck. ‘Let’s keep travelling. I want to go to Thailand next, I’ve heard it’s even more beautiful than here.’

‘I can’t,’ I said, trembling as he stroked a hand down my back. ‘I’ve got to get home.’

He groaned. ‘When do your classes start?’

‘October.’

‘There you go!’ He grinned. ‘That’s months away.’

‘I know. But my job! I have to earn money.’ I rested my cheek on his chest, inhaling the scent of him, feeling his lungs rise and fall.

‘Mags, you have your whole life to earn money. Put your sensible life on hold, stay free for a bit longer. Be like those little turtles and choose freedom. We’ll go by train, stay in a hostel. It’ll be so cheap. Come on, what do you say?’

I gave him a small smile. ‘You make it sound so easy.’