Page 64 of Not Just for Christmas

‘That’s very kind.’ I smiled, wiping away my tears. ‘But maybe next time, can you wash your hands first?’

‘Now that’s gratitude for you.’ He pretended to wipe his hands on my back, and we laughed until the sound of my phone pulled us apart.

It was a message from Pete.

Fantastic news and another first for you! There’s nothing on this farm you can’t do. You don’t need me anymore. It’ll be a breeze for you when I leave.

My stomach flipped with dread. He was joking, I thought. Pete wasn’t thinking about leaving Merrydown Farm, was he?

Chapter 27

‘I don’t know what to say.’ I stared at Pete in horror. ‘Other than please don’t leave.’

Pete had turned up for work late this morning while I was checking the newborn twins. He smelled of whisky and had enormous bags under his eyes. Ordinarily, I’d have laughed at him, and sent him home to get another couple of hours of sleep. But before I could even comment on the state of him, he’d blurted out his news.

‘I’ll work every day of my notice period, of course.’ He hung his head and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. ‘I won’t leave you in the lurch.’

Four weeks. That was his notice period. Which meant he’d be gone before the end of January. The coldest, darkest month of the year. Even Jack, who’d loved this farm with every beat of his heart, had found farming in January a struggle.

‘I can’t run the farm without you,’ I said, my voice breaking.

‘Love, just look at you. You take everything in your stride.’ Pete slumped down on a stool in the shed and held his hand out to one of the curious new calves. ‘These girls are doing great, aren’t they? Small, but none the less healthy for that.’

‘Mother is looking good too, despite two difficult births,’ I agreed.

Dylan and I had waited up last night until I’d seen them both feed and mum get up on her feet. Now the little family of three looked as if they’d always been together. Both calves tottered over to Pete and started licking his hands.

‘See what I mean.’ Pete cracked a smile. ‘There’s nothing you can’t handle.’

Just because I could handle it, didn’t mean I wanted to. But that wasn’t Pete’s fault, nor was it his problem. It was mine.

I blew out a breath. ‘When your message last night said that I’d be fine when you left, I hoped you were talking generally. I wasn’t expecting you to resign the very next day.’

He rubbed a hand over his beard. ‘I shouldn’t have written that in my text. I regretted it straight away, it was the booze talking. I was going to hand in my notice in January, get Christmas out of the way. But once it was out, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.’

‘What will it take to keep you?’ I begged. ‘A pay rise? No weekend working?’

Pete looked apologetic, but shook his head. ‘I’ve thought about it long and hard, and I’ve made my mind up. It’s the best for me and the family. The new grandbaby is due in April, that’ll make five of ’em, and I want to be there for them all, help out a bit more. I’m sorry, love.’

‘I’m sorry too.’ I squeezed his shoulder, accepting that I wasn’t going to change his mind. ‘But I’m also very grateful to you for everything you’ve done for me. Especially since losing Jack.’

‘I thought about retiring then, you know.’ He gave me a rueful smile. ‘I thought, if Lucy sells up, I’ll give up too. But you carried on and a grand job you’ve made of it.’

I shrugged off the compliment. ‘The farm probably saved me; that and having Sam to look after. I had no choice but to get up every morning, pull on my boots and get to work. Without it, I’d have probably crumbled.’

Pete nodded. ‘When me and my wife divorced, I took on extra shifts, came in early, left late, anything to avoid facing the fact that I’d got an empty house and a broken heart. It took me a long time to build my life again, work out what I wanted my future to be like.’

His words sent a shiver down my spine. That’s where I was now, wondering what to do.

‘Now winter has set in, my arthritis has started aching again,’ he continued. ‘And these early mornings are starting to feel like torture.’

‘The poker nights probably don’t help,’ I teased, remembering how tipsy he had been last night when I’d phoned for advice.

‘Alright, don’t rub it in,’ he chuckled. ‘But the point is I’m not getting any younger and I want to make the most of the life I have left. I wasn’t a fantastic father, too busy out working, but I can be a good grandad. Both my girls could use some support, babysitting, school runs, or just being an extra pair of hands when they need one.’

‘They’re lucky to have you,’ I said. ‘It’s going to require a special person to take over your job.’

I was happy for him, but envious of his daughters too. Heather helped out with Sam, but it wasn’t the same as having my own parents nearby. It suddenly occurred to me that it had been several days since I’d last heard from them; I’d been so wrapped up in my own life that I’d neglected them. There just weren’t enough hours in the day for everyone and everything at the moment.