Page 77 of Not Just for Christmas

‘Let’s go.’ Caroline reached for her coat without another word, and we hurried out into the cold car park.

If anything had happened to Sam, I didn’t think I’d survive.

Chapter 32

Please be OK, don’t do anything stupid, I chanted to myself over and over on the journey to the beach.

‘Why isn’t he answering his phone?’ My thumb stroked my phone screen, continually refreshing it. ‘Or replying to my message? He’s never usually more than two paces away from it.’

‘If he’s in the water—’ Caroline began.

‘I can’t think about that.’ I hunched down in my seat, pulling my coat tighter around me.

‘Lucy, I’m going to give you some tough love,’ she said sternly. ‘You do know they’re both OK, don’t you?’

‘I don’t know that.’ I stared out of the window, tears stinging my eyes. ‘And neither do you.’

‘Dylan won’t hear his phone over the noise of the wind and waves. And I bet they won’t even go deeper than Sam’s knees.’

‘The sea is dangerous. It’s dangerous even if you’re a full-grown man and understand how rip tides work. It’s deadly if you’re a child like Sam with no sense of fear.’

‘You chose Dylan to be Sam’s godfather because you trust him. So trust him.’

‘Dylan doesn’t know the tides here like Jack did,’ I said shortly. ‘There’s a reason why Jack liked to surf in winter, because the waves were in his words “good”. But good equates to huge and even Jack was overpowered. And there won’t be a lifeguard on duty.’

‘It’s been two years,’ said Caroline, reaching for my hand. ‘I think it’s about time you talked to a therapist about this water phobia.’

‘Caroline …’ My jaw clenched and unclenched. I took a breath. She was trying to help, even if it wasn’t working. ‘A phobia is an irrational fear. I’ve got every right to be scared. People who think that lightening doesn’t strike twice are idiots.’

She stiffened and withdrew her hand. ‘You’re right, sorry.’

We drove on in silence. This journey would have been hellish in summer, too many cars and too few parking spots. But today, in the depths of winter, the road was quiet, the car park empty. There was no one. Like two years ago when nobody saw Jack go in the water.

I shook away the memory, determined not to let my mind go there.

Caroline headed as close to the footpath down to the beach as she could, braking so fast that the seatbelt cut into my shoulder. I unclipped myself and threw open the car door.

‘You go,’ she said. ‘I’ll pay for the parking and catch you up.’

I didn’t need telling twice. I scrambled out into the biting cold, buffeted by the wind off the Atlantic Coast and raced down the winding path to the ocean.

Seagulls squealed and circled overhead as the wild roar of the waves crashed on the rocks. I took a shortcut over the dunes, my feet sinking in the deep sand. Finally, I turned the corner, and a pale wide crescent came into view. The tide was out, the beach vast and desolate, rocks at either end jutting from the swirling foam. I scanned the length of the beach, looking for them.

My chest tightened, hand clenched around the handrail. There. Two figures, one tall, one small, jumping over waves. Gus racing in laps around them, his bark carrying to me in the salty air.

Not drowned. But not safe either.

I ran and I kept running, past the blanket on the sand heaped with their stuff and on towards the water’s edge. They had their backs to the beach, facing towards the horizon, Sam waist-high in the water, Dylan up to his knees. They had on hats, and mitts, thank goodness, but even so, Sam’s face would be numb with cold by now, his blood chilling despite his neoprene layers. My darling boy, so small, so vulnerable in a sea that didn’t take prisoners. Dylan beside him, a dark sleek silhouette in his wetsuit.

Memories hit me like a tidal wave and for a split second, it wasn’t Dylan I saw, but Jack. As if it was father and son sharing a moment together. But it wasn’t him, and it never would be again.

‘Jump, dude!’ yelled Dylan, laughing as a foamy wave rolled towards them.

The sound of his voice broke the spell, and I shouted Sam’s name.

‘Lucy!’ Dylan spun round and waved. ‘You found us.’

Gus gave a yelp of pleasure and scampered out of the water to greet me, covering me with wet sand.