Page 22 of Breakaway Hearts

“Thanks…oh. Hey Brooks.” He gives me a reluctant but polite smile.

“I’m serious Hargraves. That was NHL caliber; watching you was a thing of beauty. And that smile on your face up until I called you on it tells me you love it as much as I do.” He doesn’t deny it, but his face is hard. “Please reconsider. We need you,” I ask of him.

“I can’t.” He sighs with a look over to Madison, who is frowning at her phone. “I’m sorry. I really hope you find what you’re looking for.”

He takes the hot chocolates and rushes off before I can say anything else, but I clocked that look. He wanted to say yes, but something—or rather someone—is stopping him. Which is a damn shame because he might be better than Steele, which I didn’t think I would encounter unless I made it to the NHL.

I don’t want to bully or annoy Hargraves into saying yes, but maybe it’s time I go straight to the source and figure out what the hell is going on.

Chapter Nine

Madison

My traitorous heart

“Iwas surprised you called,” Dr. Kapoor says as he leads me into his office. Instead of closing the door after me, he uses the wedge to keep it propped open.

“You said once a week,” I remind him.

“I did, but when my secretary suggested dates and times, you said you would call. Which usually means I won’t see a patient again.”

He’s right. I had absolutely no intention of coming back. Maybe if Jason made a stink about it, but then his mom’s post, and the fact he still hasn’t told me about Owen, has me in my guilty bitch era. I’m not sure what they said, but I saw the two of them talking at the arena. If it was about anything else…no, Jason probably wouldn’t bring up hockey around me if he could help it. But still. I saw them talking.

“You underestimate how persuasive guilt can be.”

“What happened to you wasn’t⁠—”

“I know,” I assure him. “I should have paid more attention and been less trusting, but it wouldn’t have mattered if there weren’t asshole rapists at the party.” His jaw ticks at the bluntness of my words, but his features are otherwise schooled to neutrality. “I’m talking the guilt over someone who cares about me being worried and giving up on other things they care about, because they care about me more, and while it always felt like we were in this together, I think I’m realizing that probably has more to do with how amazing Jason is than how true it might be.”

“I’m glad you have a friend who cares enough to get you here.”

I hate that he isn’t asking questions, because I don’t want to talk about any of this. Volunteering information goes against every instinct I have to bury it all down, but I came here for Dr. Kapoor to tell me what to do. Hopefully that I don’t owe anyone anything and I’m saving Jay from assholes rubbing off on him, so he probably doesn’t want to play anyway…but more likely that my trauma has turned me into a fearful hermit and forced my best friend to do the same. Which wouldn’t be such an issue if it weren’t for the hockey.

Fucking hockey.

“He’s the best,” I agree. “He’s my favorite person, my rock, my…I would do anything for him.”

“I take it he would do the same for you?”

“He would. He does,” I amend. “But the thing is, I think…if you truly love someone… you eventually get to a point where letting them do anything for you becomes more than they should give, and anyone who actually loved them wouldn’t let them.”

He sits on that for a moment, considering.

“I don’t think that’s how love works.”

“You’re not going to ask, are you?” I sigh. I’d much rather be mad at him for asking than at myself for volunteering.

“I’m not yet sure which is the best question to ensure you come back.”

At least he’s honest. And as the third shrink I’ve seen since my dad died, he’s right to be cautious.

“Our hockey team will suck this year,” I state.

“I don’t follow as much as I should, but I am told we are ‘on fire’.” He does air quotes and everything.

“We were last year, but our goalie graduated, and the new one is not D1 good.” I try not to follow either, and Jay is great at turning podcasts off or changing the conversation long before I get close, but anyone at school last spring knew we almost lost the Frozen Four because Darren Steele got injured and his replacement wasn’t up to snuff.

“This bothers you?”