Page 31 of Until I’m Safe in Your Arms

Alex opened his mouth, quite ready to lie to preserve his wife’s peace of mind, but the sight of her sweet, worried eyes smote his heart. He could no more lie to her now than he could dishonor himself.

“Darling, come sit down.” He led her over to the chair that was to have been the site of so much pleasure for them both. “Actually, the colonel did have some news for me. Let me pour you another sherry.”

Chapter Twelve

A mass of tangled needlework dangled from Emma’s hands as she peered at the cheerful Ormolu clock on the mantlepiece for the tenth time this afternoon. Almost six o’clock. Finally, almost time for Alex to appear. Sighing, she righted the piece of cloth, took up her needle, and stabbed it into the sampler she couldn’t quite keep her mind on. This time of night always put her nerves on edge. Waiting for her husband and word that the horrible rumor that he would be sent to India was true.

“Ouch.” Once more, she’d not been attending and had stabbed her finger. She put the injured digit in her mouth to suck the bead of bright blood before it could leave another spot on her needlework. Although there were so many stains on it from similar injuries, she suspected it scarcely mattered anymore. Thus it had been for the past fortnight, ever since Alex and her lovely dinner had ended so dreadfully.

Downstairs the front door opened and closed.

Hastily, Emma set the needlework aside, then sat up straighter in her chair, hands clasped neatly in her lap. Staring straight at the door Alex was about to come through, she squeezed her fingers, the pain of the motion distracting her from thoughts of how she would ever cope if Alex entered and announced he was sailing to India.

Heavy footfalls sounded on the stairs. Hardly the joyous steps of a man with good news to tell. Emma gritted her teeth and prepared her false smile.

The door opened, admitting Alex, whose mouth was set in a thin, straight line.

Her heart stuttered. He’d never looked so grim on any of the previous nights when he’d arrived with no news. She sucked in her breath and steeled herself as best she could. “So it is India then?”

Alex’s miserable eyes met hers and he nodded. “I’ve had confirmation today from Colonel Bray.” His shoulders sagged. “We leave mid-December.”

The breath Emma had been holding unawares rushed out, leaving her empty. Her heart fluttered and she fought not to swoon, although sinking down into oblivion would be a blessing at the moment. Five years without Alex. Five long years without his touch, without his arms around her to keep her safe. It was inconceivable. Impossible to endure. She dropped her head in her hands as the burning tears began to flow.

Then his arms were around her, the embrace that made her feel so safe and loved. And would soon be no more than a memory. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed into the scarlet tunic that she loved because it meant safety. No more.

“Emma. Emma. Please don’t cry.” He hugged her to him. “We have to be brave about this, don’t you see?”

“No, no, I don’t see, Alex.” She shook her head, his wool uniform scratchy against her face. She raised it to him, imploring. “It’s not fair for the army to take you away from me for five long years. We’ve not been married three months yet and now, before we can even spend one Christmas together, you’ll be leaving for an eternity.” Her sobs continued and she didn’t try to stop them. “I’ll be all alone.”

He held her closer, rubbing her back and crooning to her. “Hush, my love. You won’t be alone, I promise. I’ll arrange for you to stay with Uncle Jack and Aunt Lucinda. So you won’t be alone. Not at all.”

“I will be alone, Alex.” She reared back, anger sharpening her words. “Because you won’t be here with me.”

“Then what would you have me do, my dear?” His jaw tightened and his brow puckered. “Resign my commission?”

Staring straight into his eyes, Emma uttered a single word. “Yes.”

He stared back at her, uncomprehending. “What do you mean, ‘yes?’ I cannot resign my commission. I owe my duty to queen and country.”

“You also owe a duty to wife and family, don’t you, Alex?” Her determined stare never wavered. “Of course, if you leave for five years, we won’t be having a family.” That would be bad enough, but the alternative was worse. “Or if I get with child before you sail, you may never know that you are a father. Never see your child or be with me when it is born. How can you agree to miss the most important moments of our life together?”

As if her words had barbs, he flinched and hung his head. “I cannot resign my commission, Emma. What would I do? How would I provide for you and our children? I’ve been in the army since I was eighteen. I know no other kind of employment fit for a gentleman.”

“You don’t need employment.” She took him by the shoulders, impatient to make him understand. “Didn’t you tell me that you’ll be given an estate and ten thousand pounds for marrying me? We can certainly live on such a sum, especially with the income an estate will generate.”

Alex sighed, his lips settling into a thin line. “That is not yet assured, Emma. It depends on whether or not my cousins keep their part of the wager and marry by August. Until that time, nothing is for certain.”

“We can access funds from my dowry then. It’s substantial, as you know. My uncle’s shares in the East India Company alone would provide for us amply for the rest of our lives. We could buy an estate in the country or a townhouse here in London and live happily-ever-after with our sons and daughters around us.” Staring straight into his eyes, she earnestly tried to see into his soul. “And no one would need to go to India or anywhere else.”

His face grew stern, his eyes shuttered. A small tic at the left corner of his mouth twitched intermittently. It did so whenever Alex was under a great deal of stress, she’d noticed. “I will not be a man who lives off his wife’s money, Emma. Those funds are for you and our children if something happens to me. I hope you know me well enough to realize I will not touch that money.”

“I hope I know you well enough to believe you are not a man who abandons his wife and children for an army that doesn’t give a damn about you.” Swearing wasn’t ladylike, but by God, she’d fight like a man to keep her husband with her. “If it did, you’d have been promoted to major by now.”

“That’s not true, Emma.” Alex’s face had gone white. Now it flushed red. “In fact, Colonel Bray has informed me that with this new posting, I’ll be advanced to the rank of major, effective immediately upon our arrival in Calcutta.”

How cruel the army was. Alex had hoped the new billet in Canada would bring about his long-sought promotion to major. By rights, he should have already been raised to that rank, but it simply had not happened. Now the only way to get the promotion, his dream for so long, was to tear him from her and send him far away for years upon years. Unless she…

Emma jerked away from him as if her hands had been burned. “I cannot return to India, Alex. You know that. You know why.”