Page 96 of Dandelions and Smoke

He chuckles because he knows.

I need a plan.

I need to know what comes next because when I don’t, my mind decides to take eighty-seven thousand detours and possible routes until I’m left completely exhausted and overwhelmed. Having a plan helps me, even when that plan changes, because at least there’s a structure. I can take things one moment at a time instead of getting ahead of myself and trying to climb the mountain in one giant step.

Not that any of my steps have ever been more than average, all things height-related considered.

With his arm wrapped around me, he strokes my arm, his touch slow, knowing it comforts me. His fingers linger over my dandelion tattoo, a trail of goosebumps blooming beneath his touch.

“Well, I guess that depends.” His brows pinch together. “Are we moving to Florida?”

I think he’s being serious until the corner of his lips twitches. I swat at his chest, and he huffs out a laugh.

“No.” I click my tongue and roll my eyes, but the corners of my mouth betray me before I force them back down. “I’m serious.”

“So am I.” He lifts a shoulder. “I needed to make sure.”

Dragging out an “Mhm,” I level Chief with my one brow arched, chin tucked, don’t-even-think-about-trying-to-dodge-this, answer-my-question look.

With a defeated “Okay” as he exhales, he straightens. “I called my lawyer and told her what happened while we were at the airport. She agrees that Jasenia is using Scout as leverage to control me, so we’re prepared to argue that joint custody is ‘no longer in my son’s best interest.’” He punctuates the last phrase with exaggerated air quotes.

“I don’t understand why your ex is putting you through all of this.” I shake my head, my brow knitting. “Actually, I don’t understand her at all.”

Chief’s head drops. “This has never been about Scout. She doesn’t want me to be happy when she doesn’t know how to be.”

“Why should he be the one who gets to be happy?”

Her last words the day she ambushed me at the cafe come back to me, and I gasp.

“I think you’re right.”

Chief runs his knuckles thoughtfully over the stubble on his jawline before meeting my eyes again and nodding once.

“I know I am.” He straightens, drawing in a slow breath like he’s preparing himself. “Do you remember asking me, on our first date, why I thought I deserved everything she’d done to me, why I carried so much guilt all this time?”

I think back to that night. “Surprisingly, yes, I do actually remember that conversation.”

“Do you often forget our conversations?”

“Is that a serious question?” I tease, but the way he’s deflecting with humor has my every nerve on edge. “Yes, I remember. You said something about telling me later, and I’m guessing that’s right now.”

He looks away, like it will make whatever he’s about to say next easier.

“I didn’t realize how bad things had gotten in our marriage until I came home to Jasenia’s lifeless body beside an empty bottle of pills on the nightstand.”

My hand drifts to my mouth. I try to draw in a breath, but it catches, leaving me frozen in the moment.

“Her doctor had given them to her to help with sleeping after the loss of our daughter. Had I been mere minutes later getting home, the CPR I performed would’ve never worked,” he recalls the event as if it were yesterday, the tremble in his voice revealing how much it still haunts him.

“She claimed it was an accident and begged me not to call an ambulance, but I’ll never forget the look on her face when she finally opened her eyes.”

Pausing, his jaw tightens, his brow pinches, and for a heartbeat, it’s as though the memory has reached through time and wrapped its hands around him again.

With my own heart breaking for him, I take his hand in mine, hoping to ground him here with me and remind him that he’s no longer facing this pain alone.

“The look wasn’t relief that she was still breathing,” his voice cracks and a tear streams down his cheek, “but instead disappointment followed by regret. To me, it was a revelation of how badly I failed her as a husband. The guilt over that night is something I could never shake.”

He doesn’t check my reaction. He keeps his gaze fixed straight ahead, as though he’s afraid of what he’ll find when he looks at me.