Page 65 of Revenant

I should stop. I need to stop. But nothing compares. It’s like drinking the water from a sacred mountain, pure and heavenly—everything I am not.

Footsteps come closer, pacing in front of the door much like mine had. Alicent thrashes, screams, begs for help. But there’s no savior. There’s only her and me.

The door knob turns, the sound of bustling students sounding much closer than before. I can’t pull away, too lost in the blood haze to care about who sees.

A hand lands on my shoulder, yanking me off her in one swift motion. It’s only then do I realize who it is—and what I’ve done. The fog lifts, my body begging for more as two streaks run down the side of Alicent’s neck and onto the front of her shirt.

Pryce’s mouth moves, but no sound comes out as my ears begin to ring. Just wild gestures and what I can only assume are profanities before he’s on her, checking to make sure she’s still alive.

Of course she is. I’m not that stupid.

His voice finally reaches me once the haze clears. “What the fuck, Eryx?”

I was thinking the same thing. But I feel anew, my insides finally feeling normal once again.

I stare at him blankly, at the girl who has tears streaming down her cheeks. A tug pulls from deep within me. A faint notion of remorse I haven’t felt in so long it feels foreign.

My gaze stays fixated on her, but I keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. Afraid I won’t be able to control myself—had Pryce not come in to stop me, I don’t know if she’d be alive.

“He just barged in here and attacked me!” she whines, being overly dramatic as always.

“Don’t lie, little wraith. It’s unbecoming.”

“That’s what it looked like to me,” Pryce challenges, taking her side. Of course he does. What is it about this fucking parasite that makes them all fall over the ground she walks on?

“As I recall, I did ask,” I clarify.

“Did she say it was okay?”

I mull it over. “Not exactly.”

“Jesus,” Pryce mutters, consoling the “traumatized” princess.

“Don’t act like you care,” I blurt out, irritated that I seem to be the one that gets reprimanded. “What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be off somewhere with Sage?” The second it leaves my mouth, I know I’ve struck a nerve. Alicent’s face contorts as if she forgot about what she assumes is his new plaything, and my statement reminded her that maybe I’m not the enemy.

Well, not the only enemy.

“Besides. We’ve all done it. Wipe her memory and let’s get on with it.” I sigh, over this whole interaction. I’d say it was a waste of time, but I feel empowered. Like I was able to soak up some of the magic—a feeling I haven’t known since before I was a vampire.

“Even if my compulsion worked on her, which we’ve very well learned…it doesn’t. This one’s on you.”

I roll my eyes. “The fuck do I care if she remembers?” But the words taste like acid on my tongue, because the way she’s looking at me right now—like I’m the monster she always thought I was—is like a serrated knife twisting in my gut. “I’ve had enough of the melodramatics. You should actually show some appreciation; without it, there’s no doubt I would’ve gone on a killing spree.”

He doesn’t understand. None of them do. This all-consuming obsession I fight every single day to keep my distance. It doesn’t matter that I loathe her, that I want to watch her suffer at my hands. Because, deep down, I know she’s different. She’s not Veil. She’s not the witch that cursed us to an eternity of misery.

She’s much worse.

Alicent is our savior. A light shining at the top of this endless abyss I’ve put myself in.

That’s what I hate.

Because after everything I’ve done?

I don’t deserve saving.

21: Alicent

I don’t realize I’m shaking until my fingers lose their grip on the bedsheet.