Page 15 of The Sixth Fraction

I stare, uncomprehending, as his blood falls into the water instead.

Caleb just chose Erudite.

The room is so silent I swear they can hear my heart racing. Pounding in my throat.

Erudite.

I think of his ink-smudged fingers. We also have to think of ourselves, he said to me, and I thought he was saying it to reassure me, but maybe he was saying it to reassure himself. We’re the ones who have to live with our choices, . . . so make a choice you can live with. I can’t imagine this being the choice he can live with. Erudite, the faction that hates us, the faction that lies about us, the faction that defames our father and our friends and everyone we care about.

“Beatrice Prior.”

Caleb is standing in the shadows, behind Jeanine Matthews, his head bowed. Like he didn’t just betray us all.

Faction before blood, I think, and then I think, no.

I thought I believed it. I thought I believed all of it. But there’s an empty seat at our table where Robert used to sit. There’s an empty room that used to be his. There’s an empty space in me.

Right now, faction before blood sounds like nonsense. My complaints about my hair, my clothes, my frustrations with not owning anything that’s just mine, my grievances about the restricted book selection for Abnegation in the library—all of it sounds like nonsense. Unimportant.

I no longer want to be the person who cares about those things.

“Beatrice?”

I step forward. Jeanine Matthews offers me a knife, handle first, her fingers pinching the blade. Like it’s a scalpel and she’s a nurse assisting a surgeon. I blink at her for a second before I take it. My brother’s new leader.

I press the blade to the meaty part of my thumb, and it’s easier than I thought it would be, maybe because I’m so angry I can barely see, maybe because the pain focuses me. I watch bright red blood pool in my palm for a moment.

I don’t know what I want to become anymore. All I know is what I can bear . . . and what I can’t.

I thrust my hand out, and my blood falls on the stones.

And in that moment I know, I know, I know it’s the wrong choice.

But it’s too late.

Chapter 8

Beatrice

My mind is blank with panic as I watch Caleb leave with Jeanine Matthews.

I don’t really remember the walk from the bowl to the back of the room. I don’t remember watching Felicity make her choice, though she’s now following Caleb out of the room, our only other transfer. It’s not until I feel a gentle nudge at my side—Susan Black next to me, wearing a soft smile—that I realize everyone is moving toward the door that will take us deeper into Abnegation headquarters.

There’s a lump in my throat, but I can’t cry, not now, not here. As I follow the crowd down the hall, I try to reason with myself. I’ve been Abnegation my whole life. I know what to expect from it. I’ll have quiet mornings and peaceful evenings. Maybe I can work in the garden with Robert—

No. I guess I can’t.

Okay, I say to myself, ignoring the pang in my chest at the thought of him. I’ll figure out what I’m good at. I’ll find a way not to be miserable.

I’ll find a way.

I’ve never been down this hallway before. It’s dim, and like all the other parts of our headquarters, it’s plain, with concrete floors and walls and simple yellow-white orbs as light fixtures. At the end of it is a heavy door, which is where Marcus stops.

“Welcome, new initiates,” he says. “I’ve been told there are no transfers to Abnegation this year, so we don’t have to wait for them to begin.”

I glance at Mary, who’s standing on my left. Abnegation never gets a lot of transfers, but none?

Marcus continues, “Tomorrow you will begin the month of service that will be your initiation into Abnegation. But tonight is about something different.”