Page 64 of Love in the Time of Wildfires

“Oh.” River couldn’t help the disappointment in her voice. “Is there another job? Even this late in the season? It’s mid-September.”

“Yeah. I’m expecting us to get called up soon to the Dunsmir area. The fire has exploded there. I have a feeling it’s going to be a real good fire this time.”

The way he said the last part was eerie. Almost as if the idea of it excited him. “I didn’t realize any fires were good fires. Aren’t they all bad?”

“Yeah, well, we’re all a little screwed up. The worse it is, the better we like it.”

“Why?”

“Because the bigger the fire, the more hours we get, the more money we make.”

River didn’t say anything at first, which probably confirmed that, yeah, she did think they were screwed up. It did seem weird to wish for more destruction, even if the job was to contain it. As much as River tried to understand behaviors, whether they belonged to animals or humans, she was afraid the only ones who’d understand this were the people living it. “I’d rather have you around than for you to be in danger just to make money.”

Logan turned away, his voice turning hard. “I can’t put in all this effort just to stay in the same rundown apartment. I don’t want this for my whole life.”

River swallowed the small spring of hurt sprouting in her chest. She knew he wasn’t talking about her in particular when describing his whole life, but part of it did remind her of Michael. The idea that everything he did was some sacrifice toward some bigger future and whatever he had at the present wasn’t enough. She tried not to take it personally because Logan had never made her feel like that before.

“Okay, so you get a bunch of money from a good fire, and then what?”

“I’d buy my little cabin in the woods. I just want to get away from everything.”

He’d mentioned this before, but things were different now. River had to ask. “When you say get away from everything, do you mean me too?”

Logan stiffened before turning to face her. “No. Do you think you can live in a little cabin in the woods? I’m almost there. I’ve saved nearly thirty thousand for a down payment.”

“As long as it’s not too far from civilization. I’m not exactly close to retirement, and we don’t have the equivalent of a good fire at the museum. We just have a bunch of kid tornadoes, and there’s no money in that. Also, I really like my job.”

“Okay.” Logan slipped an arm around her waist, his body finally softening. “A little cabin in the middle of nowhere but still within distance of civilization so you can work at the museum.”

She snuggled into him, and he rubbed his hand slowly along her back. “I’m sorry that I have to cancel our hiking trip,” he said.

“That’s okay. I might ask one of my friends from work to go with me. But you can’t be mad if I see a fox without you.”

He chuckled. “Oh, I’m definitely going to be mad. I’m in this fox hunt as much as you are now.”

“Yeah, see? It’s fun searching for something. It gives you something to live for. We’re just lucky my kid self didn’t put something like Bigfoot on my bingo card. But also have you ever seen anything Bigfoot-like when out on a job?”

“No, not unless you mean Jake, but I don’t think it counts if he’s on the squad.”

River snort-laughed at this, happy for the mood to shift in a better direction.

Logan pressed a soft kiss to her temple. “If something ever happens to me, I just want you to know that I’ve really appreciated you and having this time together.”

River didn’t want to discourage Logan from expressing himself however he wished, but his words made her gut sink all the same. “Yeah, no. I only take my appreciation in person. Definitely not from the great beyond. If you want to appreciate me, you’re just going to have to come back and do it in person.”

Logan didn’t respond to this. That night she clung to him tighter as they slept. She’d never been clingy in her life. In fact, she’d always prided herself on being the opposite. But River wanted him to know how much she appreciated him as well without having to sound dire. She was an optimist. Thinking about the dark stuff didn’t come naturally for her and made her uncomfortable.

A couple days later when Logan was officially called up, he went to his apartment to pack up his bag without much discussion. The funny thing was he’d only been home a week, and she was already having trouble remembering he had his own apartment. They’d never discussed him living on her side of the wall. It had just happened. It should have freaked her out that things had moved quickly in this direction, but it hadn’t. She liked coming home from work and finding him in her kitchen, cooking something to share. She loved having him in her bed every night. It was a level of intimacy she’d never experienced before, and it didn’t feel fair they had to experience it in spurts, hoping this would be the last fire of the year and she could have him for good—at least until next fire season. River wasn’t being as independent and free of him as she maybe should have been, especially if he was going to talk about something happening to him.

River waited for Logan to finish packing to see him off. When he finally came out of his apartment, with the familiar black bag on his shoulder and his work jacket with the reflective stripes draped across it, she lifted her chin in determination—to be as emotionless as him, to show she could handle it.

“I better head out,” he said in a no-nonsense tone. When he opened his arms, her heart said screw emotionless robot, and she launched herself into them. She held him as close as she could, pressing her face into his chest, listening to the strong heartbeat within, trying to commit it to memory. His own arms went tight around her.

“I’m telling you right now, you better be careful, Logan Sonelli. You still have a lot of memories you need to make with me, and you’ve promised that they’d be fox-filled. I’m not accepting anything less.”

“I’m going to be as careful as I can,” he assured her.

“And please text me later, okay?”