Page 106 of Sand in My Boots

He’s always been so candid, a trait I truly admire. The comment brings a faint smile to my lips as an alert dings from his watch.

“You have to go.”

“If I don’t want to miss my plane.” His voice waffles, but if I’ve learned anything in the past thirty minutes, it means nothing. He reverses from the spot, driving toward passenger drop-off.

I put my hand in the air between us. He lays his in mine. His permission is all I need to twine our fingers together. “Can we go back to the easy part? Pretend the last couple of hours didn’t happen?”

“Ignore the fact you invested a shit-ton of money for me?”

“Yeah. If that helps make your decision easier.”

“It doesn’t.”

“Had to try.” This time, my smile is weak at best. “I can wait. You’re worth the wait, Cameron.”

“What if I’m not?” He recoils at his admission, not meaning to have said it aloud. He pulls up along the curb, the car continuing to idle.

“In that case, I guess you’ll go back to being my brother’s best friend.” The thought is despicable. Something I’m not letting myself contemplate.

“That sounds so appealing.” The words drip with sarcasm.

Dropping our hands, I put my arms in the air. “I’m not the one having an existential crisis.”

“Harsh, Jude. Harsh.” The Cameron I know finally shines through, and not because he used my nickname. “Good deflection though. That’s usually how I operate.”

I knock my shoulder into his. “Learned it from you.”

He shifts, leaning against the seat, his head tipping back. “In case I haven’t mentioned it, I’m so fucking confused.”

“Oh, is that what this is all about?” I can’t help the giggle, even though it’s not funny and he’s serious. To make up for it, I lay out some truths for him. Which will probably only confuse him more. “Take the time you need to work through your shit. At least you’ll be in paradise. That has to make everything easier to swallow.”

“Palm trees and sand have an appeal to them.” He shudders at the mention of sand. “You can’t comprehend how huge this is.”

“I don’t. But maybe I’m not supposed to. Like you don’t have to understand why I did it, why I wouldn’t take it back if I could.” He goes to argue, but I hold my hand up. “Don’t say whatever you’re thinking. I want off this damn merry-go-round. I’m more of a free fall kind of gal.”

His eyebrows snap together. “Would have pegged you for more of a water rides person.”

“Still better than the constant spinning.” As much as I could keep this conversation going, I steal a peek at the time. “You really have to go.”

I want to ask where this leaves us. Do we have a label? Are we together but apart? Where’s his head at? I already know what he’s going to say. He’s made it clear he doesn’t know.

“I do.” He blows out a breath. “Thanks for the tour around your place in the world. Fun visit.”

Until about three hours ago, it was great. And now we’re here.

“If you say so,” I mumble.

“Calling me out on my bullshit. Gotta love that.”

“At least you admit it’s bullshit.”

Without another word, he jerks open the door, leaving me with no option but to get out. To say goodbye, however this “goodbye” looks.

His bag and food placed on the sidewalk beside him, he gathers me up in his arms. The hug is more awkward than any others we’ve shared, uncertainty looming large.

“For the record, I could never resent you.” I make the declaration loud enough so he can’t miss it. Whether he believes it is another story.

One last squeeze, and he pulls away. Needing more comfort, I wrap my arms around my abdomen. “I’d never want to put you in that spot anyway.” Cameron leans in, his mouth edging near my ear. My eyes shut at the closeness, the smell of my bodywash mixing with the distinct smell of Cameron. “You’ve given me the tools to make dreams come true. I only wish I could do the same for you.” His words don’t have a chance to fully sink in before he leaves an impulsive kiss on my cheek before he hurries away.