Page 113 of Put a Rink on It

“But something happened. Your game wasn’t off for any other reason but her.”

My nerves are fried, and I’m on the edge of a precipice. If I’m not careful, I’ll fall. What that means in the physical sense and not metaphorically, only time will tell.

“What nonsense are you going on about?”

“Regardless of what you think, when she didn’t come back to school in January of freshman year, your game was off.”

I scoff. “No, it wasn’t.”

“Dude, it was. She did a number on you then, and I’d bet money today’s reaction is the start of something. I can’t figure out what. If she didn’t call off the wedding, what the fuck threw off your game so hard, you started a fight? You can’t stand here and admit this is normal behavior for you, but if that’s what you want to do, there’s not much I can do about it.”

“Except lecture me on how my game is off because of Marina,” I spit.

He holds up his hands, palms out. “I didn’t hear any lecturing. I’m happy to do that, but first I figured I’d ask what’s going on, hoping you’d tell me. We’re friends. I’ve seen you messed up about her before. I don’t want to see your season derailed.”

I close my eyes, thinking back to spring semester of freshman year. The team came back early because we had games. While I missed her, our easy banter and friendship, I wasn’t messed up over it. I played fine the week before the rest of the students showed up.

And then I had a five-game streak of bad shots, bad passes, a stack of penalties, starting when she texted me a picture of her and another guy.

“Oh, shit.”

“And he gets it.” I open my eyes. His scowl is less severe. “What happened back then?”

“I thought she had a boyfriend.”

“And yesterday?”

“She told me the wedding is an ending to our relationship and thought she was pregnant. The test was negative, and she swears they’re pretty accurate.”

“Whoa. Back up. What does she mean the ‘wedding is an ending’ to your relationship?”

Can’t say I blame the guy for being confused.

I run a hand through my hair. “I’m gonna need that drink now.”

CHAPTER 35

marina

Because there were two tests in the box, a few days later, I take another pregnancy test. Still negative, which doesn’t explain why the hell I’m super emotional, crying at the drop of a hat, missing the hell out of Nero.

We’re in some fucked up space-time continuum where we barely text. I can’t figure out how we got here except that neither one of us is picking up the phone to say what’s what. He’s busy with hockey, and I’m…lost.

Shopping for bridesmaids’ dresses was miserable, for which I take full blame.

I didn’t end up going with Tate and Walsh because I couldn’t ruin the girls’ fun.

Without a job, I’ve got nothing to occupy my time, mostly because I can’t decide what I want to do. No positions I’ve found seem appealing. Sure, at the beginning of our “engagement,” Nero mentioned I could quit and he’d take care of my expenses, but that won’t be the case when things end, with or without the perfect June wedding. In good conscience, I can’t let him pay for a wedding only for us to call it quits soon after that. I can’t do that to him. It’s not only the financial aspect, but the cruelty of it.

A conversation about where we’re at is inevitable, but I’m being a chicken and not going home to Connecticut to face the consequences.

Home.

Fuck if I don’t love the sound of that as it relates to Nero.

In a way, he’s always been my home, my safe place, even when I didn’t know it. Even when we were friends.

When I had a bad day, he was the first one I’d call. He could cheer me up like nobody’s business.