Page 60 of Midnight Ink

“Hey, it’s not that, it’s . . . I care about you, Ian.” He smiles.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” And I sure as fuck won’t let it happen again. Holy shit, how did I read this so wrong? “That was. Wow. That was bad. I um, wow.” I laugh nervously. “I don’t know why—I mean obviously you don’t⁠—”

“Hey.” His fingers cradle my face. I want to peel away and dive under these covers. “Just relax, okay. It’s not that, it’s just, I don’t—” His fingers slip, his eyes settling in his lap.

“You don’t what, Jules?”

“I don’t want to be the person you reach for just because you’re lonely,” he says gently. “Just because everything else is falling apart.”

My gaze snaps to his. “I’m not.” What is he talking about? “This isn’t about that.”

He gives me a sad smile. “I think maybe it might be. A least a little.”

Silence swells between us, thick and suffocating. The storm presses against the windows, filling the awkward silence that follows. Why did I do that? Why? Fuck, what did I just do? “I shouldn’t have—I mean, I just—” I can’t even form a normal thought.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I really am.”

“Yeah,” I manage. “Me too.”

He shifts a little, moving more to the other side of the bed. Not far, just enough to put a little space between us. I don’t know what I can do to fix this.

We finish the movie and choose another, and we pretend to move past it, but I can’t force my brain to think about anything else. The first time I make a move and I fail spectacularly.

What the hell is wrong with me?

THIRTEEN

IAN

As I wake up I can feel something’s missing, but it’s not in the way I usually do. No, what’s missing is the warmth of my best friend after my failed attempt to kiss him.

I sit up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, but I don’t see Jules anywhere. The bathroom door is open and silent. Where is he?

I grab my phone and see no messages from him, or Jamie. Not that I expect it after talking to Noah. I need to get hold of him soon, but I’m too chicken shit to try right now.

While Maddox was alive, Jamie and I hung out, but we weren’t that close. Since he came to see me a year ago, we’ve become really good friends. I’d hate to lose him over my shitty behavior.

The door opens and Julian steps in. I don’t know what to say right now. Everything feels too weird. I shouldn’t be surprised. I don’t know why I did that. Julian clearly doesn’t have feelings for me, and I was stupid to think he would

He sips the mug he has. “Oh, hey.”

“Hey.” He shuts the door softly. Today he’s dressed in dark-wash jeans with holes in the knees and the loudest neon-pink tank top I’ve ever seen in my life. Of course it has those signature deep arm holes. I love the way those shirts look on him. His lean muscles and the veins in his forearms are present. Fuck me, he’s so hot it hurts.

And he feels nothing for you, and you probably freaked him out last night.

“How long have you been up?”

“A while.” He smiles slightly. “I was talking with Xia and Violet for a bit. I guess Alexander works at the local college. He’s gone for the day.”

I nod and swallow my tongue as he sits beside me. “So,” I attempt. “Listen, about last night.”

“It’s okay, Ian.” I’m surprised when I feel him squeeze my knee. “Why don’t you get dressed. Xia has bagels downstairs. You should eat. It’s nice out right now and I found something for us to do.”

That surprises me. “Really?”

He stands, sipping from his mug. “Go get ready. I’ll be downstairs.”

“What is this place?”