Page 83 of Midnight Ink

“Been there.” Alexander laughs as his wife slaps his arm. “Really, it’s okay. It’s fine.”

“Uh, thank you guys for everything. This week has been great. We really appreciate your hospitality.”

“No, please. Thank you.” She looks at her husband. “It’s been nice having guests here again.”

With them on my mind, I turn out of the room and head outside. The rain’s coming down harder now, and while aggressively fucking Julian on that bed is definitely off the table, I hope he doesn’t mind a lazy day inside watching movies again. I have my sketch book back and I’d really like to draw him.

I sit down in the rocking chair and find Jamie’s contact.

Well, this is going to suck. I just hope he picks up this time.

The air outside feels damp and heavy. Thankfully there doesn’t seem to be too much damage from the wind, and the rain seems to have finally let up, leaving behind this grayish cast to the air. There are some branches down around the property, but nothing major.

I sit in the rocking chair and find Jamie’s name. He hasn’t texted me back at all, and I feel like shit. My grief isn’t a weapon I can use against my friends. It’s not fair to them.

Jamie and Maddox were really close. He’s one of the last connections I have to Maddox, and since we started talking again, we’ve grown closer.

Here goes nothing.

I wait for him to pick up, and I’m about to give up when I hear his voice. “This should be good.”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Are you done being an asshole?”

I close my eyes and rub my hand over my face. It’s chilly out, but I’m wearing Julian’s hoodie and breathing in his sweet scent. It’s calming my mind. “I’m sorry.”

“Not loud enough. Not good enough.”

Sighing, I tip my head back and take a second. I knew this was going to be hard. “I can’t believe I said that. I . . . I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean it. I promise, Jamie. Please listen to me. I didn’t mean it. That was horrible, beyond horrible. I don’t fucking recognize myself lately.”

“Me either, man.”

It’s quiet out here, and while this run-down house looked like a nightmare walking in, I’m slowly starting to love the place. Maybe it’s the memories we’ve made inside it, but it just feels different than when we first got here. “I didn’t mean it, Jamie. It was a shitty thing I said. I want you to know I did not mean it. I am so fucking sorry.”

“I know you’re going through a lot, but if you blame me, we won’t be able to work this out. Which sucks. I love talking to you. But for my own mental health, I can’t deal with things like that. I’m trying to get better and what you said, it fucked me up.”

Shame settles low in my gut. “I don’t. I really don’t feel that way. You have no idea how much I regret saying it.”

“Maddox would hate this. I want you to know that Ian. I know it’s hard to hear, but it’s true. He’d hate this.”

My eyes sting.

“I know it’s hard, okay. I know. Believe me, I fucking know, but is this all you want your life to be? I know for a fucking fact he wouldn’t want this for you. This would break him. He loved you more than anything, and if he saw you this unhappy, he’d be pissed.”

My jaw starts to shake as his words hit like a punch.

“Getting help is hard. I know it. It fucking sucks. But is this all you want your life to be?”

“No,” I choke out. “No, I don’t.” My knee begins to bounce.

“What’s going on with the shop? I went back to start painting and Anna told me you guys are closing down for a bit.”

“Just two weeks,” I say, my voice catching. I clear my throat and try to get myself together. “We uh, we were planning on going to Puerto Rico to spread his ashes, but there was a storm and we were grounded in North Carolina. We’re at this bed and breakfast that’s a bit run-down. The owners, uh, they might have to close down. They’re good people, though.”

“Really? Oh, shit, that’s tough.”

“It’s a cute place. Maddox would have been all over it. I know he’d have started thinking of ways to help them.”