Page 86 of Midnight Ink

“Jumping on the bed.”

“Jumping on the bed.” I nod. “We aren’t having sex for the rest of the time we’re here, I hope you know that.”

Something passes through Ian’s eyes. “And what happens after? When we go home. Will we be jumping on the bed then?”

The thing is this.

I want to say yes. I want to dive in and ask him if he wants to make this real, but I know Ian. He flirts with danger but often runs away when it’s time to face it. I feel like if I let him know the full extent of how I feel, it’ll push him away. One step forward, fifteen back. I’m scared, because for the first time with him things are where I want them to be.

I guess that’s not true, though, is it?

Sex is great, but I need shit beyond that with him. He’s not some hookup. He’s the guy I’ve been in love with for years, and we’re here now, making the most out of this vacation in this little bubble we’ve created, and it feels good.

What happens when the bubble pops?

What happens when Ian’s grief swells and crashes?

What happens if he decides this isn’t for him and he can’t go through with it?

We work together, and I know I told him I would quit if he didn’t take a break, but I’m happy he didn’t call my bluff. I love my job. I love the people I work with. If I’m not with Anna and Ian, what does my life even look like? They’re my family.

While I want to say yes, I’m cautious. I’ve never had my heart broken. And I know with certainty that Ian will obliterate me.

“I think we should take it slow. When we go back. This is new for us both. There’s no rush.” I swallow back the truth. That’s not what I want at all.

I want to tell him I love him. I want to hold him every day. Sleep next to him, wake up with him. I want to touch him without thinking twice. I want to kiss him every time I see him.

I want him so bad it hurts.

“Take it slow.” He nods to himself. “Good idea, Jules.” His smile is soft, understanding. A little too understanding. He inhales, steadying his breath. “Jamie’s sister was plastered drunk, and her girlfriend had left the party after they got into a fight. Jamie was scared Luci was going to get assaulted if she stayed there just wandering around. He wanted to take her home.” Ian’s gaze fixes on the floor. “He’s been through a lot. Foster homes. Abuse. I don’t know the extent, but his brain . . . he’s a little fucked up.” He exhales sharply. “Maddox offered to drive them. I was drunk. Angry. We’d fought earlier that day. Feels so fucking stupid now.”

“Jamie had a girlfriend?” I ask.

Ian nods sadly. “You know Ariana?”

“The cafe across the street?”

He nods. “Her sister, Ali, was Jamie’s girlfriend. She was in the car too.” His jaw tightens. “Maddox didn’t like her. Thought they brought out the worst in each other. Jamie was focused on Luci that night and Ali was jealous.”

“Of his sister?”

“Adopted. Luci was adopted when she was five. Jamie was adopted when he was sixteen. She was the first person to be kind to him.” Ian swallows. “They were inseparable.” Ian’s gaze swings to the window, the world beyond it blurred with the rain. “She was an artist too. She could’ve done incredible things.”

Everything settles heavy between us.

“That’s why they were all in the car,” he continues. “Maddox was taking them home. I got tired of waiting for him to come back, I thought he was just hanging out with Jamie, so I left with someone I knew. The shop was in the opposite direction from the crash.” His mouth twists. “I was drunk, but I faintly remember hearing sirens. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I didn’t find out until the next morning.”

“How?”

“Anna. She came to the shop and I—” He stops, shaking his head.

“That’s enough,” I say quickly, lacing my fingers through his. I cup his face. “You don’t have to keep going.”

He nods, and his fingers slide onto my thigh. Grounding. Squeezing gently. “It just pulls me back. The senselessness of it. One bad night ruined so many lives.” He squeezes quickly, letting me go. “Enough. You’re right.”

Inside this room the world seems pretty small. Just two people trying to navigate this new stage in our relationship. The rain drums softly against the roof. “What do you want to do today?”

Ian’s grin breaks through the heaviness. “I got my sketchbook back. Let’s watch movies and draw.”