Page 97 of Midnight Ink

Jamie shakes his head. “When are we going?”

Luci shrugs. “Bonfire at dusk. I want to be there before.”

“Let me just finish up here and we can head up.”

“I’m going to go home and shower, then yes, call my girlfriend.” He glares at Luci.

“You don’t even like her,” Luci grumbles.

“I do like her.” We all look at him flatly. Even Ian, which nearly makes me laugh. “Fuck off. All of you.”

“Go shower. We’ll meet you all there in a couple of hours.”

With that they leave the shop and I turn my attention to Ian, still grouchy, in my chair. “Hey.” I brace my hands on the arm rests. “Hey.” I dip my head, forcing his eyes up. “Please stop being mad at me.”

Ian sighs, setting his book down. “I’m not mad, I’m just worried.” I press a kiss between his eyes.

“I know you are. And I know how your perfect brain works. I got you, you know that.”

“It’s not that simple. I’m just stressed. Please don’t dismiss how I feel. Let me feel this. I know you’ll do everything you can to make this place a success. I know if there’s anyone who can do this, it’s you, but please let me just freak out a little. This is scary.”

It’s not that I want to dismiss his feelings. I don’t. But the thing is, if I don’t tell him everything will be okay, if I don’t tell myself it will be okay, what then? If I let self-doubt swarm me, I know it’ll find a crack somewhere. It’ll infest my mind and give my imposter syndrome legs. I can’t do that.

“I know this is scary. I know.” His eyes meet mine. Damn, I love this boy. I love these green-blue eyes, preferably with a lot less stress in them. I hate that I stress him out. I don’t want that for him. I want to take care of him. I will take care of him. I’ll take on whatever I need to, to make that happen.

“What are we doing, Madd?”

I lean in, pressing a soft kiss on his lips. Lips that still manage to throw me off balance. Soft and warm, sending heat and want down my spine and through my stomach. “Absolute fireflies.”

He breaks the kiss slowly, looking up at me. “That still doesn’t make sense.”

I cup his face, tilting his gaze up to mine. “We’re going to do this together, Ian. And we will make mistakes. Tons of them. We’ll be broke for a while. We’re going to argue, and it will most likely be my fault.” A smirk slips onto his lips. “This is going to be hard. I know it’s probably going to be the hardest thing we do. We’re going to have shitty days, maybe even weeks. Bad shit is going to happen, but I’ll be damned if any of that bad shit happens without me by your side. I don’t need everything to be okay. I don’t need to make a lot of money at first. I don’t give a fuck if we’re eating canned tuna and ramen for years. I don’t give a shit about any of it. I just need to know that you’ll be here with me through it all—the bad, the bullshit, the beauty of this—because I know we will get there.”

“I hate you. So much.” I watch his throat bob as he looks away, shaking his head.

“Hate how cute I am.”

Ian swallows hard, looking back at me. I watch the way his eyes break and soften. “I don’t even know how to love anyone else.”

I kiss him hard, sinking onto his lap. His hands go to my hips. I’m ready to say fuck that stupid party and spend the night in our apartment. “I love you, Ian. Never forget that.”

He sighs heavily, flipping his wrist to look at the infinity tattoo there. “You wouldn’t let me even if I tried.”

TWENTY-TWO

IAN

My head is pounding.

I didn’t sleep much last night, but I also didn’t bother moving from my bed. Instead, I just lay there, staring into nothing and letting the hours pass. I should unpack. Besides taking Maddox’s ashes out of my bag, which thankfully didn’t get lost this time, I haven’t done much.

For some reason I kept thinking about the last day Maddox and I were together. In our shop. I’d pulled a muscle in my back, and he babied the hell out of me as if I’d broken a leg. I was so angry at him. Not at him, I guess, but it always upset me when he’d brush away my fears. I just wanted to feel them. He was always so positive, diving head first into shit. I just wanted to slow down and have a chance to think.

I remember that now because there’d been this air through the shop. It felt heavy. There was just something off about it. I’d felt it all day, but I didn’t know what was going on. If I could go back in time, I’d tell us to stay. Don’t go to that party. Don’t let them go either. Have a party for Luci at the shop and don’t let them leave.

What if . . . I wish I could . . . if only I could go back.

All of it’s pointless, though, because we did go. We went to that party, and I drank too much and stayed behind. Maddy did leave me and never came back. I lost the love of my life. He was part of me, and I’ve never really faced this. Nothing will bring him back. Not me being miserable. Not hiring new artists. Not being a dick to the people I love most. We lost three friends that night, and there’s nothing that will ever make them come back.