Page 115 of These Wicked Hearts

“They said when I got injured, you freaked out. Not just normal freaked out. They said it seemed different.”

My stomach twists, and I stare out the window, watching the trees pass by. Why didn’t they say anything to me then?

“I do love you Atlas,” he says finally. “More than anything.”

The words don’t hurt like they used to. I don’t want him to mean it any other way than how he does now. “I love you too,” I say. “As a brother. I know that now.”

“When I saw you got hurt, I called Oli. I wanted updates. I wanted to drive to Virginia, but . . . I didn’t know if I’d be crossing a line.” He pauses. “Are you okay?”

“Concussion. Fucked my shoulder up, but nothing too bad. Ten-day concussion protocol.” I exhale. “I needed this break, a chance to get my head straight. They put me on leave for a couple of weeks to rest.” I swallow, thinking about this next part. I haven’t stopped thinking about it. “I wanted to come visit, but I uh, I decided I’m going to tell Gage about her on this trip.”

Grey’s head snaps toward me. “You are? Holy shit.”

“I’m trying,” I say quietly. “I’m trying to deal with everything.” I debate telling him this part. I haven’t even told Gage yet. “I had a psych eval before they put me on leave. They suggested time off and prescribed me medication for the anxiety and depression. I haven’t had a drink since that day you found me in my apartment. I’m trying so hard, Grey.”

“I’m so proud of you.” I feel his fingers lace around the back of my neck and squeeze, then they slip away. “Tell me about him.”

“We met a couple of months ago. We live in the same building, and we started hanging out.”

“Hanging out.” He snorts.

“Yeah, asshole, among other things.”

He chuckles. “And are you happy ‘hanging out’ with him?”

I look back out the window. “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“So, what’s wrong, then?”

Of course he can tell. “I don’t know.” How can I be upset? I told him I didn’t want that either. It wasn’t something I wanted then, but the more time we spend together, I can’t deny how I feel. “This wasn’t on my whiteboard.”

“What?” He laughs a little.

“Nothing.” I look at him. “I knew what this was. Gage doesn’t want a relationship.”

“And you do?”

I try to lie, but I just can’t, not to him. Not anymore. In this truck again, I’m reminded why I became so close to Grey to begin with. He’s easy to talk to and gives me space to think without being judgmental. He does have this sort of look he gives me sometimes that feels judgy, but it’s not like Oli’s.

Oli likes to solve issues immediately. If Oli were here, he’d tell me to go back to that house and tell Gage how I really feel.

I know Grey won’t do that

“Not at first.” I admit to him, “I really do.”

Silence settles between us again, less uncomfortable than before.

A truth wedges its way into my lungs, and I can’t keep it to myself anymore.

“I think I’m in love with him,” I whisper.

I see the campus as we drive up a hill. It looms ahead, and Grey takes a few roads before he pulls into a parking lot. He stops the car but doesn’t get out. Instead, he pulls me into a hug across the console.

I didn’t even realize I was crying.

His grip on the back of my head is firm. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs.

“I don’t know what to do.” This was all my stupid idea, and I’ve gone and broken the rules. He holds the back of my head while I cling to him. This doesn’t feel like before. It’s not rejection. That was sharp and swift. This is heavier. Deeper.