Page 134 of These Wicked Hearts

“What do you want?” I ask flatly.

“I’ve been calling you all fucking week,” he thunders.

“Well, I’m here now. What?”

His eyes slide toward the bedroom as Atlas walks out looking like a scolded dog. I try not to focus on him too much, because if I do, I’ll destroy everything. “Who the fuck is that?” Jim growls.

Atlas looks between us. I look at him, probably for the last time, and hate myself.

I swallow hard. “Nobody important.”

The words come out so cold they make me sick. My words are empty, dead.

Exactly how I feel inside.

I try so hard not to look at him, but I’m greedy. I’ve always been greedy where he’s concerned. It’s never enough with him. I thought that first night I could do this once and get him out of my mind, but he’s crawled under my skin and now lives there. The fucked-up part is that it’s not even the sex with him that I’ll miss, even if it is how this started.

I’m going to miss that goofy grin when he says something ridiculous or the way he nerds out about superheroes. I’ll miss the way, even when the weight of all his stress, trauma, and grief hurts him, he always finds the light. He always makes everything brighter. I’m going to miss his big crushing body and warm arms. I’ll even miss the way he snores in my ear while we sleep.

“Gage? What’s going on?” I can’t look at him.

“Leave,” I say. “You had your fun. Night’s over.”

The silence that follows is heavy. I can’t help myself, and I glance at him quickly. Atlas looks like he wants to argue, but his eyes slide to Jim. Slowly he walks toward my door and slips on his shoes. Right before he leaves, he looks back at me one last time.

The confusion and pain in his eyes nearly destroy me.

Then he’s gone.

The apartment feels instantly colder. With Atlas gone, Jim rounds on me. Now I’m going to throw up for a whole new reason. “What the fuck was that about?”

I swallow it, all the pain inside me. I did what I had to for five fucking years and I swallowed it. It’s the only way I’ve survived. “What do you want?” I ask in a bored tone. “I’m too tired for this.”

“Too tired?” He scoffs. “You haven’t worked in weeks. You won’t come to the studio. The guys want to know what the fuck is going on.” His clammy hand wraps around my wrist. “Gage, talk to me.” The fakeness in those caring words makes me sick.

I rip my arm free. “Don’t touch me.”

His expression darkens, shifting like a monster showing its true form. His smile grows, slow and dangerous. “Careful now.” My stomach twists.

I hate the way after all these years my body still reacts to it. I force myself still, because I know I can’t win this right now. Not yet. Not while I’m slowly dying inside and can’t get the look Atlas gave me out of my mind.

“Where have you been?” he asks quietly, stepping closer. “What’s going on with you lately?”

I can’t do this anymore.

It hits me so suddenly, nearly knocking the breath out of my lungs. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to, and not in the way I wanted it to end the night I met Atlas. I want to fight. I want to stop. If this is the price of fame, then fuck it. I don’t want it. I’ve never wanted it.

With Atlas, for the first time in my life someone put me first, and I crave that.

I want to fight. Not survive, not coast. I want to fight. Five years is enough. I can’t keep living like this. I need a plan. Because no matter what happens to me, I will not let Jim do this to another person. And I won’t let him hurt my friends.

Jim is a problem, and I know how people in power deal with problems like Jim. They simply don’t. Without proof, I have nothing. Without proof, it’s my word against a legend in this industry. Jim makes stars, and it’s going to take a lot more than my word to stop him.

I need proof.

Which means I need help.

“Look,” I start as the wheels in my mind start to turn. “Can you come back later? I promise we can talk about whatever, I’m just beat. I told you I need a break, right?” Then I think about it, and an idea comes to mind. “I actually want to throw a party.” His brows pop in surprise. “This weekend. I uh, I want to celebrate our highest grossing tour. Just crew and friends and family. Down at Ruby’s”