Page 48 of These Wicked Hearts

I feel a bit empty and restless.

I’ve been sitting here with my notebook, writing down some lyrics, but nothing is really sticking. Chen called and asked me to go out but I didn’t want to. In my socks, I get up and pace the hardwood in a rhythm that should be calming, but it’s only amping up my anxiety. I shouldn’t be thinking about anything. I shouldn’t think about Atlas and what he’s doing right now or what the hell he even does for work.

“Stop.” I grip the counter, stretching and hanging my head.

When I got back from getting coffee, I walked into my room and saw my pillow still fresh with the dent from his head. Then I lay down, and all I smelled was that woodsy scent of his. I think about the irritating words that came out of his mouth and how easily he wiped my annoyance with a simple smile.

Fuck, the idea of him is just as annoying as he is in person.

My eyes flick to my phone again. I unlock it and stare at Chen’s invitation. My friend loves to go out and party, he loves to be social, but every time I’m around a crowd, I feel so out of place.

Maybe I should go out and find someone else to shut this down. Remind myself that sex in general is great, it’s not just Atlas. It’s just the act that’s hot as hell. If I bring someone else home, it’ll feel the exact same way.

I go to my room and dress. I need to get out of here. I need to move. I grab my wallet and phone from the counter and head out the door. One person should be easy to forget. Instead, Atlas has lodged his annoying ass somewhere I can’t reach and easily get rid of. What I need is a distraction.

If he won’t leave my mind, I’ll just go out and remove him myself.

When I walk into Ruby’s, I’m confused seeing Quinn at the bar instead of Vanessa. A moment later, she comes out in a black and lime green jersey, and her eyes light up when she sees me. Vanessa is the owner of Ruby’s, a dive bar a little outside the city that used to be owned by her grandmother. I’ve lived here all my life and yeah, her grandmother kicked my underage ass out of here a few times when Chen and I used to try and sneak in. Ruby May was a sweet yet firm woman who didn’t take shit from anyone.

Just like her granddaughter.

Her red lips break out into a wide smile when she sees me, and I feel at ease already seeing her familiar face. Vanessa’s a Black woman in her mid-thirties. She’s the life and heart in this place and is very protective of her bar and patrons. Tonight, she’s wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, fit to her curvy waist, and her tight curls are pulled up into a voluminous ponytail.

“Hey, sugar.” She kisses me on the cheek as she passes me, walking to a table with a tray of drinks. She’s wearing metallic lime-green eye shadow that pops against the bronze overtones of her skin. She looks as if she’s ready for a pep rally. I catch a green and black ribbon in her hair paired with black hoop earrings as she passes.

I walk to the bar and slide onto a stool, nodding at Quinn. He’s alright, but I really wanted to talk to Vanessa. She’s easy to talk to and I just need to make sense of this dumbass bullshit I’ve got myself into. She doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, instead she tells you what you need to hear, and I need a bit of that right now.

Why did I give Atlas my number? Why did I agree to keep doing this, and why the hell am I kind of disappointed he hasn’t texted me yet? I don’t even like him and he’s fucking my head up.

The sex is great. Yes. However, it’s not “ruin my life” great.

“You want a drink, Gage?”

I look up and smile at Quinn. I know he has a thing for me, but I’ve never given it much thought. He’s cute, a little too young for me, though. I’m only twenty-seven and he’s twenty-two I think, but still. Now that I think of it, how old is Atlas? Either way, I haven’t given Quinn much thought, even if he flirts with me when I come here.

I wanted to find someone new, though, didn’t I? And he is cute. His hair’s a dark brown on top and bleached at the sides. He’s got a lip piercing and a tattoo of a hummingbird on his neck. He’s a bit shorter than I am, which I’d normally go for. Instead, I’ve found myself obsessing over a giant irritating boy with unnerving blue eyes and an ass sculpted by the gods.

“Gage?” I look up at him and force a smile. “A drink?”

“Uh, sure, can I have whiskey sour?”

He smiles. “You got it.”

I feel a hand run along my shoulder and see Vanessa walk around me. “What’s up? You look perturbed.”

“Perturbed?” I laugh.

“It’s my word of the day.” Quinn slides my drink in front of me, and I thank him, taking a healthy sip.

“Well, I’m not perturbed. I just wanted to hang out. See if you were working. Why do you look like a cheerleader?”

She slaps my shoulder playfully. “I’m about to head out. Quinn’s covering tonight.” He gives me a shy wave. “But I don’t think you came here to talk to Quinn.” I shake my head, ignoring the way his face falls. “Well, do you want to come to a hockey game? I have an extra ticket. I was supposed to bring a friend, but she’s sick.”

“Hockey?”

“Don’t look so disgusted.” She laughs. “My best friend is playing our home team tonight. She turns a little, showing off the name “Tavares” on her jersey.

“I don’t know anything about hockey.”