Page 60 of These Wicked Hearts

I take his plate and put it in the sink, rinsing it quickly and trying to find something meaningful to say. I dry my hands and turn back to him. “Well.” His pretty eyes lift to mine. “I’m not sure what’s going on, and you don’t have to tell me, but whatever it is, I can see how much you care about it. Whatever it is, even if it’s something you did, I can see that it weighs on you, and that right there is a start. That’s how you know you’ll come out the other side of it. Even if it’s at your own pace.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Because people who are careless with other people don’t give a shit about it. I can see whatever you did or didn’t do is affecting you badly, and that, Atlas, is how you know you’re a good person.”

Atlas shifts on the bar stool, swallowing hard. “Thank you.”

I reach across the table and grab his hand, just a quick hold, and I watch him for a moment. I don’t like how sad he looks. The words tumble out of me before I can stop them. “Do you want to stay the night?”

“I’m not in the mood for sex.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

He stares at me a moment, and I should make him leave, but I don’t like the thought of him going home alone right now. “Yeah. Okay. I’m beat, though.”

I nod, walking around the island and holding my hand out to him. “Come on. I’m tired too.” I let him use my bathroom and give him a toothbrush I have still in its package for when Chen decides he wants to sleep over. After he’s done, I wash up and brush my teeth, trying to get my head together, but it seems logic and reasoning isn’t something I want to deal with right now.

I walk into my room as he hooks his thumb beneath the hem of his shirt, dragging it upward inch by inch. I follow the dark hair on his stomach before it disappears beneath the waistband of his sweats. The thicker patch of hair spreads across his pecs. Every motion pulls and shifts the muscles beneath his tan skin. His bicep tightens as he rubs the back of his neck. My gaze drops down, following his stomach then the sharp V of his hips.

“Can you stop checking me out? I’m not a piece of meat.”

My gaze snaps up. “I wasn’t checking you out!”

“You’re so desperate, it’s kind of sad.” A soft smile splits across his handsome face and I’m relieved to see it. He winks, posing for me and flexing his arms. “Go ahead, look your fill.” He turns and does some motion with his hands I can’t see, but it tightens the muscles in his back. “I’m really impressive, I know.”

A smile flashes on my lips and I’m too slow to wipe it away before he turns back around and catches it. “Fuck off.”

He chuckles, stripping down to his boxers and getting into my bed. I slowly take off my own clothes and slide in beside him, surprised when he moves to lie beside me in the dark. “Thank you for the food,” he murmurs, his voice slipping with sleep.

I loll my head toward him then decide to roll and gather him into my arms. “Anytime.” My fingers lightly trace down his tattooed arms. I don’t want to talk about hockey or his friends. “When did you start this superhero obsession of yours?” He pulls back a little. “Or is that also too personal?”

“When I was a kid,” he starts slowly. “I always wondered what it would be like to be one. What kind of hero I’d be. Sometimes I’d draw these horrible sketches about what my costume would be. My powers. If I’d have a villain arc or not.”

I don’t interrupt him even though I want to ask more.

“I always thought how cool it would be to have something happen that would change my whole life like that. I always said to myself that no matter how much power was given to me, I’d always be good. I would always do the right thing.”

My fingers idly brush his skin. “Oh yeah?”

He nods. “Turns out real life isn’t that simple.”

My lips press into his hair. “No, it’s not.” I can’t help but think of my own life. When Jesper, Chen, Declan, and I would dream about sold-out shows and screaming fans, we’d always say no matter what we’d never sell out. It would always be about the music.

I sold out before we even started.

“I think that’s why I like superheroes so much. They have rules. Good and bad. You know where you stand.”

I hum softly into his hair. “Real life isn’t like that.”

“Yeah,” he huffs. “It’s annoying.”

A small smile tugs on my face. “Very.”

“I think that’s why I like the X-Men so much. They have every reason to be villains, all of them. Society treats them terribly, yet there they are, still protecting what’s good, no matter what. I used to think like that too, but I don’t really feel like that guy anymore, the one who stands up to evil no matter how much life beats him down. That’s not me anymore.”

“Maybe that person isn’t who you’re meant to be anyway. You’re still here, and you clearly care about what’s happened between you and your friends. You’re still here and still trying. That has to count for something.”

“It’s not that simple.” He’s quiet for a moment. “Being a villain would be fucking awesome, though.”