Page 81 of These Wicked Hearts

“Don’t do it, okay. You don’t need it.”

“It’s not . . .” He’s quiet for a little on the other end of the line. “It’s not like I crave it like that. It’s just, when I’m alone, it’s hard to distract myself, I guess.”

“Distract you from what?” He’s quiet for a moment, but I can hear his heavy breathing.

I pull back and click the video button, my lungs easing a bit when I see him. Atlas is lying against his pillows on his side, his black hair a little messy as if he air-dried it after a shower and ran his fingers through it. He’s shirtless, but it’s not his body I’m missing. It’s how warm I know those arms would be around me right now.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” He gives me a sad smile.

“Distract you from what, Atlas?” He watches me for a moment then squeezes his eyes shut. “Atlas?”

“From being me,” he says softly. “It helps distract me from myself.”

“Atlas.” I sit up a little. “What’s going on with you? Talk to me?”

“I wish you were here. I don’t want to be alone.”

I try and remember where he is right now, because I’m about to find the first flight out to him. I know logically that’s dumb. By the time I’d get there he’d be on a plane to the next place. “You’re not alone. I’m here. Talk to me.”

“Today’s a bad day.” He swallows. “That’s all. It’s a bad day with bad memories and I’m just trying really hard not to think about it.”

“Do you want me to sing to you?”

“Really?”

I shrug. “I don’t mind, if you want.”

“What are you going to play me?”

“I’ll think of something.” I set my phone down and walk over to pick up my guitar. Then I get back on my bed and get comfortable. “I’m going to put my earbuds in, okay, just listen.”

“Okay.” I take one more look at him before I switch back to voice only and grab my earbud, sticking it in my ear.

“Can you hear me?”

“I can hear you.”

I take a breath and think about the lyrics I wrote earlier. “Just close your eyes, okay. Got ’em closed?”

“Yeah.”

Somehow, I know he’s not lying. I take a breath and start to hum, singing to the beat of what I’m working on now.

When the night has fallen and there’s nowhere else to run

When the light from your eyes is brighter than the sun

When you’re not here with me and everything feels numb

I think of youu, I’ll think of youu, you.

Stars beat across the sky, but the thing I see is you and I,

Way up high, there we are, and I can’t believe I fell so far

Without youu, youu.