Page 51 of Melt the Ice

Lucas: On a scale of one to absolutely not, how likely are you to let me take you on a date?

Lettie: Like that? A negative thousand percent.

Lucas: But if I took it off, you’re saying there's a chance?

Lettie: Definitely didn’t say that.

Lucas: I’ll ask again when I don’t look like a garden gnome that’s been left in the sun too long.

Lettie: HA!

Lettie: Your friends are alright. Both passed out on my couch, though.

Lucas: Sorry, they’re like fleas. Once they’re in your house, they never leave. See you soon, Lettie Girl.

“Did you miss doing this with your mom?” His question catches me off guard. I hadn’t really thought about it. Something Dr. Williams taught me when I first started going was that it’s okay to rewrite memories if the original is too painful to withstand.

I turn to look at him, and fight back a laugh when I see a big bow on the top of a headband that’s holding his hair back. That’s definitely Hannah’s. “Nah, I did when I was younger. But making this our thing kind of took the sting out of it, you know? Might be nice to leave all those things in the past.”

He nods, lacing his fingers together and putting them behind his head. “Can I pry for a minute?”

I snort. When does he not? “Sure, buddy.”

He swallows hard before asking, “Is Scarlett the reason you’ve sabotaged all your other dates?”

I breathe out through my nose. In my mind, it’s always been Scarlett or no one. But sabotage? That’s a bit dramatic, even for him. “I did not sabotage anything…” I say without any heat behind it.

His eyes slide to mine, “Monroe, you literally told the last woman you went out with that she’d always be second to your first love.” His hands bounce off the bed with a quiet thud. “What kind of woman would stick around after that?”

I mean, that’s a fair assumption, but he missed the entire first half of that conversation. The one where she went on and on about wanting to be a stay at home wife and was completely opposed to kids. Have you seen me? I’d make beautiful babies. Plus, it was the first time I met the woman. I mean, talk about red freaking flags. “I get it, but if you want the truth, it’s always been her for me. From the very first time she saved me from getting bit by a copperhead, to the time I–”

I cut myself off, stuffing my hands in the pockets of the robe, trying to stop their shake at the memory of what almost was, “It’s always been her, man. It always will be, whether it’s reciprocated or not. It wouldn’t be fair for someone else when my heart would never belong to them the way it does to her.”

“But what if that’s not the case?” He plays devil’s advocate, “What if the person you’re supposed to be with is out there looking for you, and you’ve wasted all this time waiting on someone who doesn’t even want the same thing you do.” His hand comes up to rub the back of his neck. He hasn’t said anything I haven’t thought of five hundred times over the years, but something about hearing someone else say it. Having someone else doubt the feelings I have for her sends me over the edge.

I raise my voice, only slightly, but it’s enough to take this from a friendly conversation to a hostile one. “If it’s not Lettie, I don’t want it.”

He deflates next to me, and I immediately chastise myself for my reaction. I know he’s trying to help

“Sorry, man, I just.” My hand runs through my hair, “If you knew Hannah was out there, and you met her before Kara.”

His cheeks puff up with air, eyes widening before he doubles over and heaves, pretending to puke.

“Humor me. If you met Hannah, spent three months with her every summer for seven years, you knew, without a doubt, that you loved her at sixteen, then something happened, and you didn’t see her again. Would you have even entertained Kara?”

“Absolutely the hell not.”

I point at him, and he sags against the headboard.

A sigh floats through the air as he looks up at the ceiling, “Okay, point made. I just don’t want to see you hurt. Again.”

I know he doesn’t mean anything by it, I know he’s just looking out for me. But it doesn’t hurt any less. “These past couple months… It’s the happiest I’ve been in years, and that's with me losing the only parent I had left. But, even if she decides friendship is all she can offer, I’ll take it, because my worst day with her is still better than my best day without.”

He nods, understanding coming to life in his eyes. “Can we wash this off now?” He scratches his cheek, and not even two seconds later, the timer goes off, and we’re rushing to the double sinks outside the bathroom.

“I appreciate you, man,” I whisper into the dark of our room. “I know I haven’t exactly been the best teammate lately, but being here, not being alone, it’s the first time in a long time when Scarlett isn’t with me, that I haven’t thought of drinking to make the thoughts stop.”

If there’s anyone who’d understand the pain of hiding in plain sight, it’s this guy. Which I guess is why I continue. “I know that there’s a chance she could leave me, too. But she’s back for a reason, maybe that’s me. Maybe it’s not. Life brought her to me because it knew I’d need her to make it through this season.”