Page 59 of Melt the Ice

Her eyes flare at the mention of those three words. I duck my head, bringing my lips to the shell of her ear, “Say it again.” My smile slowly grows when she shivers. “Make me the happiest man on the planet and say it again, Lettie. Please.” I beg.

She doesn’t, she just grabs a fistful of my hair, pulling my head down to hers, and slams her mouth against mine. I chuckle against her, breaking our kiss as I carry her around to the passenger side and slide her into the front seat. “I love you, Lucas.”

“Mhhh…” I hook my finger through the metal of the seatbelt, buckling her in before climbing in the driver's seat. “That’s my girl.”

We drive in silence, but she runs her fingers up and down my neck, the inside of my forearm, the entire way. Cliffs aren’t a thing in Florida unless you count the trash dumps, but this spot has been one of my favorite places for as long as I can remember.

It’s an open field, but there’s a small hill on one side that leads down to a lake. It’s almost as pretty as some of the springs in the area, but at night, you get the reflection of the moon off the water and an unobstructed view of the seemingly endless stars in the sky. It’s quiet, peaceful.

“Wow,” she breathes as she looks up. I took the top off the jeep this morning, so her face is flushed from the wind, hair blown in all different directions, but she’s never looked more beautiful than she does right now.

“Come on,” I push my door open before she can argue. I pull the tailgate open, grab the blanket I put back here in anticipation of making this trip at some point, and walk a bit closer to the water.

Shaking out the blanket, I flatten it on the ground before sitting and opening my arms for her. She slides between my legs, back to my chest as I wrap myself around her. “I used to come to this place a lot when I was younger.”

Stars were always something I wished on, like the song says, anything your heart desires… I wished for more time with my dad, for Lettie. For the love of my mom. But more than that, I felt connected to the ones I lost. I thought maybe my dad was up there among the twinkling lights, and maybe she was looking at the same night sky, thinking of me, too.

I’ve spent a good chunk of my life talking to things and people who don’t talk back. I'm comfortable in the silence until I’m not. I’m comfortable until the good memories start to fade and the dark thoughts creep in behind them. “Did you know what I was doing when you and Ms. Anna found me at the bridge?”

Her head tips back, a wrinkle popping out between her eyebrows. “You weren’t just walking around? That’s what Nana said you did when you didn’t want to be home.”

My forehead meets hers, breathing her in, reminding myself I’m not alone anymore. Still, the weight of that day sits heavily in my chest. One sentence, and she may never look at me the same. My mouth goes dry, and before the moment slips away, I blurt, “I was going to jump off it.” My voice cracks, my whispered admission tearing through the peaceful night like a lightning strike.

She gasps, turning around until her legs are straddling my hips. Her hands cup my cheeks, trembling, her thumb brushes a stray tear from my face. I hadn’t even realized I was crying, too lost in the memory, wrecked by the anguish written on her face.

“Are you saying if we hadn’t found you that day, you wouldn’t be here?” Her voice cracks as the first tear falls from her eyes.

I shrug, “I don’t know what would have happened after I jumped… but yeah, that was the plan.” My eyes drop to where my thumbs mindlessly brush across her skin that peeks out from the bottom of her shirt. “It’s why I didn’t turn around when you first yelled my name. I thought you were in my head. Not actually there.”

My eyes trail up her body, savoring the fact that she’s here, in my arms. She’s invaded all my senses. She’s the life that runs through my veins. My life has been a series of shitty cards, but I need her to know she isn’t one of them. She could never be one of them. Tears continue to fall down her face as her eyes bounce between mine. “Lucas…”

I kiss the apple of both of her cheeks, one after the other, trying to calm the panic in her eyes. “You saved me from a copperhead when I was nine, you saved me from acting on the thoughts that would have kept us apart forever when I was eleven. You gave me a second and third chance at life. I’ve lived my life for you and my dad every day since then. But Lettie, I don’t want to live without you again.”

I slide my hands from her hips into the back pocket of her jeans as I say, “Stay with me, not just for now. Forever. You like your house better, we’ll stay there. You want to crash at mine, fine. But if I’m here, I want to be with you.” Her head falls forward, resting on my shoulder as she heaves, tears falling faster.

“We’ve spent twelve years apart. Let’s rewrite our lives, together like we promised we would. You and me, forever.”

“Yeah,” she chokes out. “You and me forever, Goldie.”

Her tear drenched lips meet mine, soft, but full of promise. “I want to be selfish with you.” I kiss her again,

“I want every goodnight and good morning.”

Kiss.

“Every tear. Happy or sad.”

Kiss.

“Every fear, share them with me. We’ll slay them together.”

Kiss.

“I want everything you have to offer. Please, pretty girl. Tell me I can have it. Tell me I can have you, all of you.”

My heart beats wildly in my chest as we stare at each other. There are so many things left unsaid, yet so much conveyed in the silence that’s currently pulled tight between us. She slowly stands, pulling her shirt off over her head and throwing it at my feet. “What are you doing, Lettie?”

“Catch me, and I’m yours, Goldie,” she purrs, hands reaching for the button of her jeans. She accentuates the curve of her hips as she slowly slides them down to her knees, then looks back up at me, the light of the moon bouncing off those beautiful, dark brown eyes of hers.