Page 20 of Crack the Ice

“Always, Lily. I’ll always be on your team.”

We talk for about five more minutes, then my teammates start trickling onto the bus. I see them pass through the gate in Kelsey’s complex, and relax knowing they’re safe. “I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow, okay? Don’t give my sisters too much of a hard time.”

“They’re perfect little angels, Mavy. Don’t insult them,” Kelsey says, pulling into her driveway.

“Okay, sorry then, perfect little angels.”

Cade and Lily both laugh maniacally before signing off with a “Goodnight Reed.”

Eight Months Ago - September

“Night guys, thanks for coming tonight,” I yell as they head upstairs after filling their mom in on everything that happened at the game earlier. According to Lily, the fact that the game was a shutout and I scored twice were the highlights. I could see the sadness Caroline felt watching them get excited. It was clear as day in the way she watched them, her trembling lips when they’d smile at each other, the glassy sheen to her eyes as Lily got up and reenacted how Monroe made his goal. The thickness of her throat when she swallowed as Cade handed her the tea I stopped for.

“Night,” they yell in unison, leaving me alone downstairs with Caroline. She’s been through the wringer, losing her husband, getting diagnosed with breast cancer, but luckily, she’s been surrounded by the team since Cade and Lily first stepped through the doors of the Wilder Foundation. She may as well be family at this point.

“Are you okay?” I ask when she sways on her feet. Her head shakes, and my shoulders immediately tense.

Fuck, this is not good.

Her hand waves through the air, dismissing me as if my concern is unwarranted. She motions to the dining room table, and I pull out a chair for her before moving around the table and dropping into the seat across from her like I’m in the principal's office.

“They want to try one more last-ditch effort, something called ADCs. They say it’s a chemo smartbomb. Supposedly, it’s got antibodies in it that will deliver the chemo directly to the cells. They want to try it for two to three months, depending on how my body responds. But if it continues to spread, or doesn’t shrink, they have to immediately pull me off. And then it’s just a waiting game to see when it takes me.”

My fingers lace together, and I squeeze the ever-loving hell out of the backs of my hands, eyes trained on the woman in front of me. She looks pale. Her cheeks are more hollow than they normally are, and that sets me even more on edge.

Her voice shakes on that last bit, and I have to bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep myself from revisiting my own kitchen table when my mom was telling the three of us she had leukemia, and there was nothing they could do about it. God, the helplessness I felt that day has never been matched, but this is a close fucking second.

The worst part about it is, no matter how optimistic I try to be, I’ve already been here. I know how this ends. I know how empty the house and your life feel weeks after they’re gone. It catches you off guard, even though you’ve watched them wither away into nothing.

There are more instances than I can count where I’d laugh at something and think, “I should tell my mom this. She’d get a kick out of it.” Only for the silence that follows to be deafening.

And here I am, looking into the face of a woman doing everything she can for her kids. To keep them busy so they can’t think about what’s coming, because we all know what that is, even if we don’t want to admit it.

“I need some help with the kids. It’s getting too hard for me to get them where they need to go. I’m tired, and I’m concerned about their safety if I’m behind the wheel.” She sighs, pinching the bridges of her nose. “I know Lily would be all for it because she loves you guys, but Cade might be a little harder to convince. He’s so much like you, Maverick. Always putting his needs to the side to take care of me.”

The thought stings, radiating out from my collarbone and bleeding through the rest of me. My throat tightens as her words sink in. I do see it, clear as day sometimes, and it fractures pieces of myself that I’ve long forgotten existed. There will come a point that I’ll have to have the hard conversations with him, but now itsn’t the time. Not when he’s already anticipating the outcome.

She looks down at the table, picking at the skin on the side of her thumbnail. “I don’t want to impose on you guys, but I don’t want them sitting around the house. I know the girls will take Lily to work with them during their break from school and have movie nights and all the girlie stuff I wish I had the energy to do with her. Do you think you and the guys could take some time to work with Cade? Hockey stuff, leadership stuff, I don’t know. I just need him to be occupied so he isn’t sitting around worrying about me. I’m tired, Maverick.”

My hand covers hers instantly. “Absolutely, we’ve got clinics at the rink during winter break. I’ll put him in one, or all of them. You just let me know what you need. I’m sure the girls would be thrilled to have Lily around, though I’m sure she’ll want to spend most of her time at the ranch.”

I get a small smile in return. “She actually wants Cecilia to teach her how to bake.”

My ears perk up at the name.

“She gave Hannah a cupcake to bring to Lily the other day. She hasn’t stopped talking about it since.” Her eyes turn glassy, and my brain starts to plead with whoever is listening. “She is to Lily what you are to Cade. A hero. She taught Lily during her time as her dance teacher to dance it out when she’s sad or stressed.”

A chuckle shakily works its way up her throat, getting stuck and making her cough into her fist a few times. “I can’t tell you the number of timers we have stashed around the house, ready for her to grab at any moment to dance herself happy.”

I’m fighting back tears now, and not because of how cute that is, but because that used to be our thing. What started as her checking on me late at night when I’d sit out on the back porch turned into dance parties, and those dance parties turned into deep conversations, and eventually, those deep conversations made me realize I was helplessly in love with that woman.

“I think it’d be good for her to have a rotation, visit everyone for a few days. Maybe it’ll give her some career ideas.” Caroline’s voice pulls me back to the present.

“She’s twelve,” I say, hiking a brow and loving the genuine smile that covers her face.

“I know, but I want to know they’re taken care of. I’m not optimistic about this one, and my doctor isn’t either, but I couldn’t not try. I couldn’t die knowing I didn’t give it everything I could, knowing I didn’t try hard enough to stay.” Her throat constricts with the strength of her swallow. “For them.”

I’m up and moving around the table, my arms pulling this frail woman into me. “You know my mom died when I was eighteen. Lana was fifteen. I was faced with this very situation at a young age. I was going to have to pick between hockey and my sister. It would have been her, every time.”