Page 51 of Crack the Ice

“I failed you. I see it now. And I’m so fucking sorry. My heart has been yours since I was twenty-two years old, even if I didn’t know what that meant at the time.”

His hand moves to brush a piece of hair out of my face, and my eyes flutter open.

“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’ll earn that. But I am asking you to try. Just one more time. For us, not for them.”

“I’m scared,” I whisper.

“Me too, baby.” His eyes fall to my lips, and I’d love it if he kissed me again. But both of us apparently have great self-control because he stands back to full height and lets his hand fall from my face. “So, Cecilia Samuels, can I take you on a date, please?”

EIGHTEEN

MAVERICK

My heart is in my throat as I wait for her answer. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that we can make this work if she gives me a chance.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for a date, Mav.” Her shoulders lift and then fall away from her ears. “But we can hang out, as friends. See where that goes. I can’t just forget everything. I tried that, and it was death by a thousand tiny cuts. I know you’re a good man, Maverick. The best, really. I’m not sure you were meant to be that man with me. My heart says you are, but the track record begs to differ.”

The silence that follows is heavy, but I don’t jump to fill it. I let my eyes trace over her, from the curve of her shoulders to her perfectly painted lilac toenails, and back.

“Plus, I don’t know that I fully believe you’re okay with not having your own kids. Maybe that’s my own insecurity talking, my desire for something I can’t have. But there’s a little voice inside me that whispers, you’ll get tired of me one day, that you’ll resent me for taking time away from finding someone who can give you those things. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to survive that, to hope in us again, only for it to be taken away.”

My hand lands on my hips, doing my best not to double over at her words. I don’t know how I could have been so blind to the fact that she was hurting so badly. For so long, I thought I was doing the right thing, taking care of everyone else, when I was neglecting the person I would have done anything for. Well, doing anything these days means changing, and I’m hellbent on doing just that. For her, for these kids, and the future I want to build with the three of them.

“Cecy, you are giving me those things. It may be an unconventional family, but it could be ours. Us and the two kids at my house.” I breathe in deep, letting my ribs expand with enough air to get me through this without running to the next problem.

“I can work with friends. We can hang out whenever you want, wherever you want. It doesn’t have to be in public if you don’t want it to be.”

She snorts. “Still afraid to be seen with me?”

“What are you talking about?”

A smile touches her lips for a fraction of a second before it disappears. “I’d love for you to come with me, but you’re so young, and Markus Samuels sister. I don’t think that’s a great mix for an end of the season party that’s swimming with press, do you?”

I push a hand through my hair, my eyes widening when I run through that timeline. That was it. “That’s why you stopped talking to me?” My mind immediately rewinds to the conversation I had with her brother, and I internally curse myself for ever confirming a fear of hers.

“I’m… I’m an idiot. There’s no other way around it. I’m sorry, of all the things I could have said, that shouldn’t have been it. You’re so much more than Sammy’s sister. You always have been.”

She freezes, her lips pushing into such a tight line that they turn white. “Had it just been that comment, I probably would have gotten over it. But then pictures of you and the date you didn’t even tell me about were plastered everywhere the morning after. You looked happy, she looked happy. And I felt like an idiot. I mean, there were multiple pictures where you were kissing her cheek or her hands were resting comfortably on the front of you, smiling at you like you’d been together for years. Plus, I’d been calling you for days at that point. You never answered. I assumed the worst.”

I remember. I hated every second of that night. It was also the drunkest I’d been in my lifetime.

“I wanted that. I was jealous and hurting with everything else going on. I could have handled it better, but I was twenty years old and terrified. The only man to ever have my heart was you, and you all but rejected me, then let me see that without so much as a warning. What was I supposed to think?”

I blow out a breath. I did a number on her, blinded by the fact that I thought she’d always be there no matter what. I turned her into my metaphorical punching bag. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“Right, but I am.”

She pulls something out of the fridge and sets it on the counter before continuing. “The best apology is changed behavior. I want to help you, I want to help them. But I still have to protect myself in the process. This isn’t going to be like it was back then, at least not until you prove I’m not going to be cast aside again. I need you to know that.”

I nod, letting her words seep into me, burning their way into my heart, not as a threat, but a promise. A promise to do better, to be what and who she needs. “Okay. You’ve got my word, I’ll do whatever I can to make you forgive me.”

“I already forgave you. I just don’t trust you not to hurt me again.”

She blows out a breath through her nose, leaning her forearms against the island. “I’m going to be honest, Mav. I don’t know what I’m doing.” She looks down at her watch as it pings, her smile growing as she reads whatever is on the screen. She turns it so that it lights up with a text from Lily.

Lily