Page 76 of Crack the Ice

“I get it. I know when people you love need something, you hyperfixate on it until it’s taken care of. It’s one of the things I admire most about you. This is big, and if things go sideways, I know you think you can handle it, but can you really? Will you be able to pick yourself up and move on, or will you run off to Spain again? Will you come back this time? Selfishly, I can’t lose you again, Cecy.”

My heart fractures right down the middle. I never stopped to think about how my leaving made him feel. He’d been working on coming home for months, not that I knew any of that, but when he finally got the green light and was working out details, I took off without an explanation other than, “I need to be by myself for a bit.” How many people have I unintentionally hurt because I was trying to protect them from the pain I was carrying?

“I’m so sorry, Markus. I shouldn't have left you in the dark, and I need you to know that you never played a part in why I left.”

He puts the final plate into the rack, drying his hands on the towel before he pulls me into a hug, squeezing tight enough to quell some of the anxiety running through me.

“You shouldn’t have, but I know why you kept me out of the loop.” He swallows hard enough that I hear it from where I’m standing.

“I would have spiraled even more, and who knows if I would have been kicked to the curb after that. I wouldn’t have gotten to be part of the team I love so much, and I wouldn’t have met Kait. I love you, Cecy. I want what’s best for you, but let’s promise that from now on, we’ll at least talk about these things before you make decisions for everyone else. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” I say into his chest. “I do love him, though, Markus. I always have, and it’s terrifying.”

“I know. The best things in life should scare you, sis. If building a family with him and these kids is something you want, then I’m behind you a hundred percent. But I will kill him if he hurts you.”

I snort, pushing back against him a bit. “I’d expect nothing less.”

“Come on, let’s go see what kind of chaos we can cause. Maybe we should teach them the ways of the ramen ninja.”

Warmth spreads through my chest, and I wrap my arm around his waist, letting my head rest against him as we walk down the hall toward the sounds of shouting at what I assume is the TV. “That’s not a bad idea, you know?”

“I have good ones now and then, hermanita.”⁠*

We turn the corner to see everyone is now piled into Cade’s room. Mav, Lucas, and Cade all have controllers and are flying down the ice, the screen projected on the wall like a movie theater. It’s pretty cool.

“To your left, Cade!” Lily shouts from where she’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, pointing to the screen at the opening she sees. Her brother takes it and scores, despite the other two’s best efforts to keep him from it. “YAY! Good job, Cadey!”

“I hate that nickname, Lily.” He puts the controller down and looks at Markus and me. “You guys work it out?”

“Work what out?” I ask, brows furrowing.

“Us.” He motions to him and his sister.

My face softens, my feet carrying me across the room before I even realize I’m moving. “There was nothing to figure out, Cade. I told you I’d be here, and I will be for as long as you’ll have me. He was being an overprotective brother and wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to get hurt should the day come when you guys don’t want me around.”

“Like that’ll ever happen,” he mumbles, bringing a smile to my face.

I ruffle his hair, and to my surprise he lets me. “That’s what I said, so it looks like you’re stuck with me too.”

Cade’s eyes slowly move to Markus, and whatever’s written on my brother’s face must appease him because he nods, picks up the controller, and hands it to him. “It’s your turn. They can’t beat me, so it’s only fair that I even the playing field, you know, sit this one out.”

My brother scoffs, bringing his hand to his heart. “Cade Jackson, are you telling me I suck?”

The air in the room lightens as every single person laughs at my brother’s dramatics. Markus, however, doesn’t find it funny. He takes over Cade’s chair, scoots it closer to the screen, and proceeds to get angrier with every goal Mav or Lucas makes.

Leaning against the wall, I watch three grown-ass men grow visibly frustrated as they play video game hockey as themselves, mind you, like they don’t do this on the ice every day. While my sister-in-law and Lettie sit off to the side as they play with Lily’s hair, watching their husbands with equal amusement. Then there’s Cade, who’s trying his hardest to look like he’s watching the game, but I notice how he looks around. Not moving his head but looking at all of our friends out of his peripheral vision. How, when he stops looking around, he focuses on the clock next to his bed instead of the screen.

Is he like me, wondering if this is all some dream, and hoping he doesn’t wake up from it? I’ve never lost a family member. I didn’t suffer the way my parents and my brother did when they lost Millie and her family. I do know what it’s like to wonder how long someone will stay, how long they’ll keep you, and the pain you try so hard to hide around before you become a burden too heavy to carry.

This kid just lost his mom, and now he’s got two people who aren’t even together, who carry their own baggage and past hurts, responsible for him and his sister. How the hell did I think I was qualified for this?

My palms start to itch, and I take a small step back, but he catches me. Eyes widening as they meet mine, shit. I don’t have a place to hide. I can’t retreat here without them taking it personally. How am I going to do this?

As fate would have it, Mav’s phone rings and everyone freezes when he pauses the game.

“Hello?” he says, not looking at anyone in particular.

Whatever is said on the other end of the line makes him sit up a bit straighter, and my heart sinks. Someone needs something.