Page 79 of Crack the Ice

His eyes hold no warmth as they meet mine. I know I don’t have the right words to say. Every thought dies like ash on my tongue. So instead, I move to sit next to him, letting my head hit the wall behind me.

“I’m failing, aren’t I?”

The wind stirs, blowing our hair across our foreheads. His answer comes in the form of a slow, silent nod. The motion lodges somewhere between my ribs, puncturing my lungs with the serrated edge of a knife. Each breath becomes harder to take.

My eyes flutter closed, pulse pounding in my temples as the night settles over me. “I don’t know how to be a dad, Cade. I don’t know how to be a partner off the ice.”

“I know.”

Fuck. Two words and I’m completely wrecked.

“She put Lily to bed, read her a story, tried her hardest to put on a brave face when Lily asked her about Prince Charming, and if she should hold out for that kind of love. Then she disappeared to the tree afterward. I listened to her cry for an hour before she climbed down and went inside. When I checked on her, she was asleep on top of her bed with all her clothes on, like she collapsed and couldn’t get herself to move anymore.”

When I don’t say anything, he turns to look at me. “I know what love looks like. I saw it with my parents. Cecilia knows it, too. Her parents are awesome. She isn’t getting that here. If you really love her, you need to put her first, man. Lily and I will leave one day. Whatever you build during that time is what will be left. But this? This is no way to live. She’s too good for that.”

“I know,” I croak out.

He stands and heads for the door, pausing before his hand reaches the knob. “Then fucking do something about it. Not everyone gets that chance.”

The door clicks shut behind him. The finality of his words is the nail in the coffin I’ve put myself in. I deserve his anger, the disappointment, all of it. I need to check on her, though. We should have spent the rest of the night talking on the back porch, dreaming the way we used to, solving crossword puzzles like we were playing Hangman instead.

I allow myself two more minutes to wallow out here before I follow suit and head inside. I don’t stop for anything, heading straight to her room. I knock twice, and when she doesn’t answer, I push down on the door handle. It clicks open, and in the middle of her bed, she’s curled up in a ball, all her clothes still on, just like he’d said.

Quietly shutting the door behind me, I close the distance, running my hand through the strands of silky black hair I love so much. Her makeup has run, staining the space right below her eyes, physical evidence of her pain. Pain I’ve been causing for years.

“Cecy,” I whisper as I kneel next to her bed, hooking my chin over her ribs. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” I choke on the emotion lodged in my throat.

The sheets crinkle under her as she rolls onto her back. Her arm wraps around my shoulders, her body searching for mine even when she should be pushing me away. “Stay,” she whispers.

“W-what?” I stammer, convinced I heard her wrong.

She pulls me closer, eyes still closed as she says it again. “Please stay.”

“Okay.” The word feels loaded, unearned, but I do anyway.

I move her to the middle of the bed, pulling the covers over her before I sit back on the floor with my hand wrapped around her shin, hoping she knows I’m still here but giving her space. My tears wet her comforter where my head is resting as I watch the steady rise and fall of her chest.

I don’t know how much time passes before her voice floats through my ears, her lips barely moving as she mumbles, “I want to be enough for you to stay.”

My jaw aches, struggling with the fact that after all this time I’m still making her feel like she isn’t enough. I’ve got a month and a half until the season starts. I’m not sure that’s enough time to prove to her that I can stay. I’m not sure it’s enough time to prove it to myself, but I’m hell-bent on proving us both wrong.

I pull out my phone one more time, firing off a text to the guys.

Hawks Hotties

Can one of you send me Dr. William’s number?

I have some work to do or I’m going to lose everything that matters.

Sammy

Bout damn time.

Monroe

Welcome to the healing circle, Daddy Reed.

Wilder