Page 12 of Idle Gossip

“I cannot see it,” she insisted. “You, who give every indication of being bound by honor and duty? Never.”

“It is true. I struggle against it still. Why do you think I kept myself aloof from you? Every instinct pressed me to throw myself at your feet and beg you to allow a courtship. I wished with everything in me to rebel against my family expectations.”

“And now idle gossip has given you your way. Are you not pleased?” Teasing filled her tone, and she hoped he could understand she spoke in jest.

“I am enormously pleased. Despite every objection possible, I have what I desired.”

“Do you? If I recall, we are merely courting.” Was he so certain of his success? Mr. Darcy was nothing if not confident.

“True. You were forced into a situation not of your desire. I am sorry for that. But as I said, I shall endeavor to prove myself to you.” He paused and noted her shiver. “I think we must go back now. You are far too chilled.”

“Mrs. Hill will have chocolate waiting for us,” she said rather than admit her discomfort. “That is motivation enough to turn back.”

They turned and began descending Oakham Mount. Silence fell between them, and Elizabeth contemplated the revelations of the afternoon.

The serious discussion about Miss Darcy and her wicked suitor had wrought a subtle change. Mr. Darcy’s behavior could now be understood. Before, his manner had seemed arrogant and aloof. The selfish disdain for the feelings of others he had portrayed had instead been the result of mental turmoil he could no longer conceal.

She could acknowledge she may have judged Darcy unfairly. She had been so certain that he had judged her family and her situation. Perhaps he was not so despicable as she had supposed.

“Why did you call me tolerable?” she asked. Elizabeth suspected she knew the answer, but she wished to hear him say it aloud.

Darcy sighed heavily. “There is no excuse for my behavior. An explanation for my manner that evening is in order, and I am happy to share it.” He paused briefly before he continued. “I arrived that afternoon, travel worn and struggling with self-recrimination. Georgiana’s depressed spirits had plagued me since Ramsgate. Though she had written for my aid, she felt riddled with guilt that she had entertained a gentleman without telling me. After months of hovering, she insisted I go away and give her space. I agreed, and took with me all the guilt of a brother who had failed his sister. And then Bingley announced we would attend an assembly. Dancing is already my least favorite way to socialize, and now I would be forced to mingle with people I did not know.”

“And no one can be introduced in a ballroom?” she said sardonically.

“One might be introduced, but there is no intimate connection established. I have not the talent of speaking easily with people I have never met. I cannot catch the tone of the conversation. It takes many evenings in someone’s company to ease my discomfort.”

“You are shy?” Elizabeth could see it.

“Men are not shy,” he protested.

“You have perfectly described Jane, Mr. Darcy. There are many similarities in your behavior and hers. Why, Charlotte Lucas insisted Jane show more than she feel to secure Mr. Bingley. But he saw in time that she cared for him, and Jane was able to be herself.”

“Bingley insists he had it on good authority that your sister rarely displayed what she truly felt,” Darcy mused. “I recall asking him about it before my aunt’s letter arrived.”

“Someone told Mr. Bingley my sister is shy?” Elizabeth clarified.

“Yes. I worried Miss Bennet did not feel deeply for my friend. How thankful I am to be proven wrong! I have never seen Bingley so in love.”

“You have changed the subject, Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth censured. “We were speaking of you, and of your insult. Your apology was very well done, but why? Why speak so in my hearing and in a public place?”

“Because my discomfort caused me to loosen my tongue. I wished Bingley gone, and making him regret pressing me seemed the easiest course.”

“You could have stayed at Netherfield,” she pointed out.

“Miss Bingley meant to stay behind if I did.”

“Ah.” That, then, was why he had gone out when he was not in any state to be in company. “So, I was sacrificed to Mr. Bingley’s determination to see you enjoy yourself?”

“Yes. And it was the greatest falsehood I have ever uttered. My understanding of your worth casts my aspersions in an even worse light. If I have to beg your forgiveness every day for a year, I shall do it.”

“Tolerably said, sir. I believe I am of a mind to accept it now. That will not stop my teasing, however. You have been warned.”

“I can accept your terms.”

Elizabeth felt a thrill course through her. Who would have imagined her sharing banter with Mr. Darcy?

“Once I noticed you properly,” he continued, “I found myself wanting to know more about you. I stood on the fringe of your conversations, listening to you entrance those to whom you spoke.”