Page 64 of True Blue

There’s a sunroom in the Cape May house that I’ve already mentally claimed for him. Big windows and lots of natural light. A true artist’s studio.

A couple of days ago, I put the down payment on the house. I still haven’t told Teddy yet. Every time I think I finally have a quiet moment to tell him, someone interrupts us.

And when Dawn calls, Teddy runs to her.

I’m trying to be understanding. I’m trying to tell myself that grief is making her need too much. I keep telling myself all of that, hoping something sticks because I am reaching the end of my rope with Dawn.

And I’m losing control of my temper.

“Teddy, can you pass the pepper?”

I lean slightly toward him, keeping my voice low at the dinner table.

Not low enough, apparently.

“Teddy?” Lily repeats from the other side of Teddy, too bright and loud.

She leans forward and tilts her head at me with that sweet, patronizing look that makes my skin prickle.

“Did you just call him Teddy?”

“Yes…” I say, confused, looking at Teddy for an explanation.

Is this the first time she’s heard me say it? I know he prefers Theo or Theodore from most people, but Ellie always called him Teddy, and that’s how I know him now.

My Teddy bear.

She smiles sweetly. “Only his Nana called him Teddy.”

Teddy frowns at her. “Indie can call me Teddy.”

“But,” Lily laughs uncomfortably. “You always said only Nana can call you Teddy.”

“Nana and Indie,” Teddy says, turning his smile on me. “My girls call me Teddy.”

Love swells in my chest. My hand finds his thigh under the table and squeezes lightly. I’m proud of him for that. Proud of him for speaking up. Proud of him for drawing a boundary.

“But,” Lily’s eye twitches. “Doesn’t it bring up sad memories when she does? Memories about Nana?”

Teddy shakes his head. “No, it comforts me.”

“Oh!” Lily beams. “Then I’ll call you Teddy, too⁠—”

“No,” he says, and his tone is uncharacteristically firm. “Only Indie.”

Only Indie.

My hand squeezes his thigh once more, and he places his warm hand over mine, pressing into my skin as if he needs the contact himself to be strong.

“But, why?”

Teddy shrugs. “Because.”

“Because why?” Lily prompts, giggling, though it also sounds like a challenge.

My patience thins in an instant, my jaw clenches, and my heart starts pounding. Teddy’s hand tightens around mine.

“Because I love Indie, and I want her to call me Teddy⁠—”