Page 113 of The Golden Hour

“Do you think Mason would…” Honey trails off, then looks at her parents for help, because she cannot finish the sentence without feeling like her skin is being peeled off.

“Choose you over the hospital?” Melissa asks.

After a brief hesitation, Honey nods.

“He fucking better,” Phil grits out.

Honey frowns and really thinks about it.

She wants to believe so badly that Mason will choose her. Choose Daisy. Choose them over St. Mary’s.

His first day back, she had been sitting with Daisy in the living room, watching the television to avoid staring at the clock. All day, she had tried not to get her hopes up. All day, she had tried to prepare herself for him to fall back into the riptide of the hospital.

Then he walked through the door.

And Honey felt dangerous hope.

Every single day since, he arrives home on time. Even though he just worked a twelve-hour shift, he showers quickly and takes Daisy from Honey so that she can relax and have time to herself. At the dinner table, which has become much less stilted and awkward as her parents actually converse with Mason and ask him about his day, he feeds Daisy so Honey can eat without interruption.

He’ll help her with bathtime and with getting Daisy down for the night. Sometimes, he just sits on the floor by the rocking chair, like he is kneeling before God as he watches Honey sing Daisy to sleep. Or when she reads a bedtime story that she knows Daisy cannot understand yet, but she does it because she has been dreaming about reading to her baby for so long.

Mason has been hovering less, but doing more.

And she can see the struggle in his eyes.

He looks so drawn, worn out, and tired. Sometimes he doesn’t talk at all after a day, and she knows that it was a tough day. The thing that used to make him come alive now seems to just hollow him out.

And yet, he’s still showing up and doing the hard work as Daisy’s father and as Honey’s co-parent.

So she cannot ask for much else besides time to heal, to breathe, to rediscover who she is outside of being Daisy’s mother, even though it is her most treasured title. And she wants Mason to heal from whatever turmoil is going on inside of him, but she does not think St. Mary’s is the healthiest place for him.

Actually, she is certain it is not.

But they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place right now.

Mason needs to leave St. Mary’s, and he has about two weeks left in his residency. He has been applying to hospitals in the surrounding area for emergency physician positions, but Honey does not think being in emergency medicine is a good fit for him anymore.

Not when she’s constantly worried about him falling back into the old pattern every single day.

There is also the fact that, despite her adoration for her parents beyond measure, she wants to move on with her life and does not want to live in her childhood home forever. But she cannot go back into that house.

Last week, she had Melissa drive her there to get some more of her things, and Honey felt sick just at the sight of it. She felt stupid and silly as she sat shaking in the car, unable to open her door while Melissa ran inside to grab what was needed. It was just a house, but… it was also a cage she couldn’t return to. Dr. DeNunez said that’s normal and not to rush herself, but she still felt like a failure.

They need to sell the house.

Mason needs to finish residency.

They need the lawsuit to move forward.

They need money, space, and time.

It is like a tangle of things, and Honey does not even know where to start pulling.

“Does he know about the lawsuit yet?” Lorraine asks.

“No,” Honey says, shaking her head. “I think he might have suspicions, but I don’t think he knows we’re suing them yet.”

“Then I would keep this close to your chest for now,” Lorraine advises, before adding quickly, “I’m not telling you to keep secrets from him forever. I’m telling you that, for now, Mason works for the institution we’re preparing to sue. Even a well-meaning offhand comment can travel far and wide and blow this whole thing up.”