Page 36 of Starfighter’s Salvation

“Stop fighting this.”

“You do not understand.” He kissed me again, harder. His hand moved up and down my back, over my ass, as I melted into him. I would give him everything. Everything. All he had to do was want me.

I rubbed my hard nipples against his chest and lost my train of thought. Did it again. Moaned. He went completely still. Then he tore his mouth away. We were both breathing too fast.

For a second, neither of us spoke. His forehead rested against mine, and he shuddered as if he was angry at his own body for betraying him.

“Don't even try to tell me that was a mistake.” I wouldn't be able to cope with that, not when I was laid bare like a pagan offering. Heart. Soul. Body. He was holding all of me in his arms right now, even if he didn't realize it.

His eyes opened. The fear I saw in them hurt worse than any bad answer could have. “Not a mistake. Dangerous.”

“I don’t care.” I put my hand over his heart again.

His fingers closed over mine. He looked down at our joined hands, as if the sight required more courage than flying into the trench did.

“I cannot want you like this and be trusted." There it was again. Rejection number three, and this one came with his cock still hard against me, which was a whole new kind of insulting.

“What are you talking about?”

Pain flashed in his eyes. “If you are mine, I will be compromised."

"Okay. Explain it to me like I'm five years old. I don't understand the problem."

"If the choice is to save you, or literally anyone else, I will choose you. I will let worlds burn. I would sacrifice thousands of soldiers without blinking."

“Thousands?” I tightened my grip but kept my voice level. I'd been surrounded by life-or-death decisions day in and day out for years. There was always a calculation to be made. Some people couldn't handle the pressure. Not all doctors or nurses could manage trauma cases. In the end, they walked out of the ER and went to work in pediatrics or dermatology, where it was safe. Where nobody bled out in front of them while their mother was sobbing on the other side of a curtain. "We're in this together. Right? We'll make the decisions together. As a team."

“No. Your preferences will make no difference."

“You should not be the only person responsible for making those decisions.”

“I will always save you.”

“That’s going to be a problem.”

“The truth is not negotiable.”

Dekker wouldn’t have pulled this nonsense. The thought showed up uninvited, and I hated myself for even thinking his name. But I knew it was true. To him I'd be just another Starfighter, the same as everyone else. Dekker would do what he was trained to do, save the maximum number of lives, even if that meant leaving me behind, or letting me die.

I looked at the huge, stubborn alien sitting shirtless on my med table watching me with absolute conviction in his eyes. “We’re going to have to negotiate on that.”

He lifted me away from him and reached for his shirt. “Launch is in three hours.”

“I know.” I took another step back as cold air replaced his heat. I shivered, my body objecting even before my heart caught up. He was pushing me away. Again.

“You should get some sleep.” His tone had become detached. Clinical.

He wouldn't claim me, wouldn't make me his, but had the audacity to send me to bed as if I were a child? Anger bubbled up to overcome the hurt and I embraced it. “So should you.”

Neither of us moved. This was the classic impasse. He was determined to send me away and I was determined to call him on his bullshit.

Let worlds burn for me? One woman? Sacrifice a thousand soldiers? No. He might think he'd make that choice, but I'd been training with him for well over a year. I knew him almost as well as I knew myself. If something that terrible ever happened, he would make the right choice. The honorable choice. He might doubt his integrity and moral character, but I did not. Not for one heartbeat.

I walked to the entry ramp and slammed my closed fist onto the activation button. Hard.

He stood as the ramp began to close, locking us inside. Alone. "What are you doing?"

I reached for the edge of my flight suit and yanked the heavy outer layer over my head. I glanced down at the bulge in his pants, at the obvious proof of what he wanted, what we both wanted. “Maybe, after I take all my clothes off, you'll figure it out.”