Page 80 of Heart of the Raven Prince

“It might not be for her, but it is for you,” she says, walking up to me and tugging me into a firm hug. I’m rigid against her until she says softly, “I’m happy for you, Caden.” Stepping back, she continues to hold my eyes as she says, “I just hope she makes you realize it.”

“Realize what?” I ask as she begins to walk to the exit. Stopping with her hand on the doorknob, she turns and gives me a bright smile.

“That you’re not the monster you think you are. That you’re worthy of happiness. Of love.”

Yasminda opens the door, and steps into the hallway. Doran is waiting for her, ready to take her safely back to the Alley. I would open a rift for her, but I need to save my energy for healing Fawn.

I don’t know why she’s not waking up. Her body was well beyond spent, but I can easily heal exhaustion. A terrified part of my mind is worried that Arawyn succeeded, that she broke Fawn. That her body is failing because her spirit no longer wants to hold on.

I won’t fucking let it.

Moving back into my bedroom, I ignore the chair, instead crawling into bed next to Fawn. I lay beside her, pulling her tight against me as I curl my arm around her.

“You don’t get to give up, Oisín,” I whisper, threading my fingers through hers. “You can rest now, but you don’t get to quit. You are not finished. You and I are not finished.” I breathe in Fawn’s wild scent, as Yasminda’s words swirl in my mind.

Do I deserve to be happy?

I know I do not. And yet…when I’m around Fawn, that demon in my mind is easier to ignore. The one that calls me worthless. Useless. The one that tells me I am better off dead. I’m a monster, but Fawn makes me feel human. No, I don’t deserve happiness, I certainly don’t deserve her. But gods-dammit I’m fucking weak, and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her.

“You can’t wait any longer, Caden,” Doran says, standing at the edge of my bedroom. I’m looking down at Fawn. Days have passed and she still hasn’t woken up, but her breathing has improved. Or maybe I’m just imagining that. Wishful thinking. Knowing Doran is right, I rip my eyes away from her and turn. Marching to Doran, I take the jacket he holds out for me. The queen has invited me to another family dinner that I have been putting off for hours.

My chest is on fire, the queen is furious that I have ignored her this long. Yanking the jacket on, I turn and hold Doran’s gaze as I say, “I’m trusting you with her life.”

“I’m not letting her out of my sight, Caden,” Doran says. Still, I hesitate. He’s been watching over me these past days as I sit by her side. As I lose myself to another woman. I’m terrified to know what he thinks of this, what he thinks of her. The comparisons are far too damning.

Before I can stop myself, I blurt out, “She’s not like Sorcia.”

“I know,” he shocks me by saying. “I told you once, a long time ago, that I hated Sorcia because of how much she changed you, what she turned you into.” Doran glances over at Fawn as she slumbers restlessly. “You’re changing for her, as well, Caden. Around that one, you’re becoming more like yourself than you have been in centuries. She brings out the real you. Now go, I’ll keep her safe while you’re gone.”

My throat is suddenly tight. The real me? I didn’t know he still existed. But then I look back at Fawn and I think about the way she silences the worst parts of me. About the way my chest doesn’t feel quite so empty around her. Nodding to Doran, I turn and open a rift directly to the queen’s private dining room. The one she reserves only for family gatherings. She and Lochlan are already seated, both of them looking pissed at my lateness.

“I’m beginning to think your brother is right, and perhaps I should remove you as the leader of my army. What example could you possibly be setting when you cannot follow one simple command?” she says, her voice sickly sweet as she glares at me through her lashes.

“Lochlan is an idiot, you would be a fool to take his advice,” I snap, storming toward the table. I’m being beyond reckless with my words, but I’m far too consumed with rage to care. I want to repay her tenfold for what she put Fawn through. I want to wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze until I feel it break.

“Watch how you speak about my son,” she snarls before Lochlan can speak in his defense.

“I am your son,” I remind her, my voice icy as I yank the chair back from the table and sit. I might be stuck with her, but this bitch is also stuck with me.

“Something I am beginning to regret,” she mutters, yanking her gaze away from mine and scowling at her drink. I’m pushing her, I know I am, but I can’t fucking stop. The queen might be able to control me, but she gets a sicker satisfaction out of making me come to her willingly, coercing me through pain and psychological torment rather than through controlling my very being. Still, she has her limits, and I have the feeling I’m getting very close to finding it.

“If I am such a great disappointment then maybe it’s time to let me go.”

Arawyn creeps forward, leaning over her chair and snaring me in her poisonous gaze as she hisses, “Perhaps when I have a suitable replacement I will.”

I am so busy holding Arawyn’s gaze that I don’t notice when the Vessels walk in. A crystal decanter is deposited before me, as two others approach the queen and Lochlan. Arawyn pulls away from me, leaving me to stew as she focuses on the Vessel walking to her.

I busy myself pouring a glass, ready to get this dinner over with, ready to be back by Fawn’s side. The queen is already furiously biting the arm of the man beside her, his face etched in pain as she tears into his flesh. I try to avoid looking at Lochlan, I hate the way he forces the Vessels to sit in his lap as he feeds. He sickens me, and frayed as I am I don’t think I can hold myself back from taking all my anger out on him.

That is, until Lochlan pulls his fangs from his Vessel’s neck and says, “I see why you like this one, brother.”

I whip my head to his. He’s got Fawn. Somehow, he was able to cross into my room and steal her and—

It’s not Fawn.

A Vessel is seated on his lap dressed in a sheer black slip. Her back is to me as she straddles him, but I instantly recognize her copper curls. Lochlan grabs her chin and turns her head until Yasminda is looking at me. Fear shines bright in her dark brown eyes and all the breath is punched out of my lungs at the sight.

“I spied this one coming to and from your room in the dead of night. Really, brother, how many humans do you have an interest in? It’s starting to become an unseemly addiction at this point,” Lochlan laughs. I’ve been so worried about Fawn I wasn’t thinking when I allowed Yasminda anywhere near the palace. I let Doran’s worry over my deteriorating state sway my better judgment. Once again, I was a love-blinded fucking fool. “Come on, pretty little Vessel, say hello to my brother.”