Page 46 of Cavaliere

This past week with Matteo has been… peaceful.

I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt this way in my life, and it’s honestly a little unsettling. The pessimistic bitch in me keeps wondering when life is going to throw a cheap shot my way. There’s always been something to worry about for me. Just when I get caught up on bills, something happens where I’m knocked five steps back. Being an adult is like an amusement park ride–you’re so excited and full of optimism when you turn eighteen, and then you wake up one day and realize this actually isn’t fun, and you want to throw up.

That’s what I’m used to. Certainly not this. I think I’ve made Matteo dinner every single night this week. Who even am I? Past me would have thrown a hot pocket in the microwave and called it a day, but it turns out I’m actually quite the fucking Martha Stewart. Delaney would be so proud if she saw me making pizza dough from scratch with someone actually eating it without gagging.

The other thing I’m kind of surprised about is that I haven't missed working. Have I missed talking shit with Delaney daily? Yes, but we also text and talk on every social media app. It’s not like I’m missing anything. I finally have time to do some hobbies that I honestly forgot I loved. I downloaded a reading app on my phone, and I think I’ve binged at least ten books at this point. One day, Matteo actually came to check on me because, apparently, Rob reported back to him that I hadn’t left his room all day.

Oops.

It’s just been nice. And this little thing that I’m calling an impromptu vacation has really made me realize that I’m ready for a change. Nothing drastic, but I honestly don’t want to work in a bar anymore. I didn’t notice how exhausted I was. How much I was just living day-to-day on autopilot. A career change is in my future. I just don’t know what that is yet.

I haven’t had sex with Matteo since the night in his office, and I think my vagina is slowly trying to kill me from the inside out. I thought we were under the same assumption of what me giving this a chance meant. And I assumed we would be fucking each other’s brains out. But night after night, I lay awake on my side, facing away from him, waiting for him to make the first move. I’m starting to wonder if maybe he’s changed his mind and just feels stuck with me now because of the whole situation.

I plan to ask him about it at dinner. A pit of dread has formed in the bottom of my stomach because I know if he has changed his mind, it’s still going to crush me. When I’m not arguing with him about what I should and shouldn’t be doing, he’s actually nice to be around. He’s become my comfort lately. It’s a power I’m not even sure he knows he has over me. And that’s fucking scary.

Matteo refused to tell me where we are going tonight, so I have no idea what to wear. I’ve been reading out by his pool on a lounger all afternoon, thinking the light sound of the water moving around would calm my nerves for tonight, but it hasn’t done anything.

Exhaling loudly, I finally sit up on the lounger, stretching my arms above my head before grabbing my phone and towel.

“Thank god. I thought I was going to burst into flames out here.” Rob exhales, startling me.

“Oh my god!” My head whips around. “How long have you been there?”

“Since you came out here.”

“Why?” I came out here five hours ago. What kind of psychopath doesn’t make a sound for five hours?

“Boss told me to be on you at all times,” is his reply.

Okay but… “You could have just watched from inside. Or, you know, from over there.” I point at the covered back deck. The whole thing is shaded with a giant flat screen mounted on the wall of the house, with an outdoor bar and seating strategically placed around it.

“How can I stop that piece of shit from killing you if I’m inside twiddling my thumbs like an idiot?” Rob asks, looking less than amused about how he had to spend his day.

Ooookay, fair enough. This is obviously a touchy subject for him. “Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t exactly realize your instructions were to be up my ass, or else I would have picked somewhere else to read.”

Rob’s eyebrows shoot up as the corner of his mouth hitches slightly. “I can see why the boss likes you.”

I exhale loudly as I head inside. I wish I knew why everyone kept telling me a variation of that. I’m not naive enough to believe I’m what he needs. What he wants right now? Yes. But what he needs in his life to support him, grow with him, and be his equal? Not a fat chance in hell.

The cool air bites at my hot skin that's been baking in the sun as I climb the stairs to Matteo’s room, thinking about what I’m going to wear tonight. I really need to talk to him about stopping by my place soon to grab the rest of my clothes. I didn’t exactly pack for this side of the city. Not that I have clothes for it.

I stop dead in my tracks as I open the bedroom door and see the most gorgeous off-the-shoulder satin emerald green gown. The gown has rouching at the hips with a deep thigh slit, showing off just enough leg to leave him imagining what's underneath. The corset-style bodice gives it a sexy edge that I love. The whole thing is just fucking stunning.

I lightly trail my finger over it in awe. From the feel of it, I know this is one of the most expensive things I’ve ever felt, excluding Matteo and Alessio’s ridiculous cars. Laying beside it are matching shoes and a small clutch with a note. Picking up the note, a warm and spicy smell hits my nose. Matteo. It smells like him.

Tesoro,

I hope the woman at Saks picked out a gown you love. I know anything will look amazing on you. I gave her your measurements, so everything should fit. Meet me down in the foyer at 7pm. Your cavaliere will be waiting.

-Matteo

My chest is rising and falling rapidly as I stare down at the note in my hand. I don’t feel the tears until one drop splashes on the note right next to where he signed his name, smearing the M. We might not go the distance, but I’ll never forget how this man carved a piece of my heart out that will be his forever.

Putting the note in my nightstand drawer for safekeeping, I head into the bathroom to do an everything shower. I double-wash my hair and put a conditioner mask on to make it that much more silky. While the mask sits and does its thing, I exfoliate, shave, and moisturize until my skin feels worthy enough to be in the gown that’s waiting for me.

It takes me a little longer than I remember to blow out all of this hair, but when was the last time I actually cared about what I looked like? For work, I just throw on a quick layer of basic makeup, pull my hair back, and call it a day. The regulars don’t care what you look like as long as your tits are pushed up to your chin.

But this… this feels different. More important. More special. It feels like this matters.