Page 28 of Hash

“I didn’t want her in this world,” I mutter, barely audible. This is fucking embarrassing.

“What?” Evan asks, slightly raising her voice as her brow lowers.

I clear my throat. “I didn’t want her in this world,” I repeat louder this time.

When I was explaining my reason to Aisling, it sounded reasonable, but now that I’m saying it out loud to my brothers and Evan, it sounds stupid as fuck.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Evan asks, sounding confused and slightly offended. “Are you embarrassed of us?”

“What?” I ask in shock because what the fuck? “No. Why would I be embarrassed of you guys?”

“Because you didn’t want her around us!” Evan exclaims.

“I’m offended.” Cyrus mocks, looking wounded as he places his hand over his heart. “I’m a catch. She would love me.”

“You’re not in this.” Evan pushes him away.

“It’s not like that,” I say, taking another hit, wishing I were anywhere else than having this conversation right now. Preferably in Aisling’s bed.

“Then what’s it like? Because what I’m hearing is you didn’t want her around us,” Evan says, looking pissed.

I take another drag.

“I didn’t want her around all the bad shit.”

“I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but the club hasn’t done anything to anyone that hasn’t deserved it. Any eye for an eye and all that shit.” Evan waves her hand.

“No, but all it takes is one person to be pissed off enough to get back at us. And what better way to do that than through one of our women?” Shit makes my chest ache just thinking about it.

“You can’t live in a world of what-ifs, Hash,” Evan says, looking less pissed as she tries to reason with me. “If you live your life like that, then you aren’t really living.”

“Yeah.” I scrub my hand down my face.

“It sounds like she’s giving you a second chance though, right?”

“I’m trying.” I shrug. I don’t know if I would call it a second chance just yet.

“What else did you do that you aren’t telling me?” Evan asks, her eyes narrowing as she reads between the lines.

“Do you two mind?” I glare at Cyrus and Trick, who are sitting back like they’re watching a show.

“Not at all.” Cyrus and Trick smirk. “Please proceed.”

Jesus Christ.

“Well?” Evan presses.

I guess it’s going to come out eventually, might as well be now. Life is just fucking with me today with shitty conversation after shitty conversation.

“She had my baby.” I try to keep my voice even, but it comes out broken.

Every time I think about it, I want to stab my knife in my eye, but admitting it out loud to the ones closest to me makes me want to shoot myself. I’m the biggest piece of shit.

Evan, Cyrus, and Tricks’ eyes widen, and mouths all drop open at the same time, rendering them speechless.

“Repeat that,” Cyrus says, the first to recover.

“She had my baby.”