Page 6 of Hash

Tipping my head back, I sigh. I hate feeling like I’m this desperate ass bitch chasing after a man’s scraps, hoping one day he’ll decide to give me more. I’d never tell anyone what’s going on but Frankie. She’s my girl.

“We were doing our usual thing⁠—”

“Bumping and grinding.” Frankie smirks.

“Yes.” I can’t help but let out a small laugh and roll my eyes. She’s so fucking stupid sometimes.

“Wait.” Frankie holds her hand up. “I think I’m missing something because that’s good, right?”

“It was good until I woke to him getting dressed and trying to sneak out of my room at six in the morning.”

“Oh.” Frankie winces. “Not so good.”

“And that’s what I don’t get. Last night it felt like things were finally moving in the direction I’ve been wanting them to go in since the first night we hooked up. It felt… right. Like he was meant to be there. I felt like he had finally let his guard down and I was starting to break through. Then bam, morning comes, and the guard is right back up. I literally watched the shutters slam shut in his eyes.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” Frankie frowns. “Do you think it would make things weird between you two if you talk to him about it?”

I’ve thought about that, but… “I don’t know if I want to. Or if I’m ready.”

“Or you don’t have the balls to,” Frankie bluntly says.

“Jesus. Way to call a bitch out.” I laugh. What’s a real friend for if they can’t give it to you straight?

“What are you scared of?”

“I don’t know… I think it’s just him. I’ve never met a man like him. He’s everything I’m not while being everything I need at the same time, and that scares the shit out of me. I don’t know how to navigate this. What I do know is that it fucking sucks feeling like I’m getting the bare minimum of what he has to give when I want to give him the world.”

Frankie makes a humming noise as she leans up against the counter, thinking everything I just said over. “The way I see it, you have two options.”

“And those are?”

“Either break it off, or grow a pair of balls and ask him point blank what the fuck is going on.”

“Ugh,” I groan, face planting my head into the cabinet with a bang. “Owe.”

Why can’t my life ever be easy?

I just wish that for once something worked out the way I wanted it to.

The bell chimes over the door, making my breath catch in my throat as I stand frozen in my room.

I know it’s him.

He’s never late.

“Same as usual?” I hear Frankie ask as she gets him settled in her chair.

She’s right. I do need to grow a pair of balls. I’m never going to get what I want out of life if I don’t grab the bull by the horns and take it. Dancing around what we are or aren’t has caused me stress and, honestly, it hasn’t been making me happy lately. Waking up to see him trying to rush out hurt, and I hate that he saw my vulnerability. I refuse to give him access to that part of me when I’m only getting pieces from him when he feels like it.

Tossing the used wax strips and sticks from my client who just left into the trash, I plaster a smile on my face and walk out, ready to face him head on.

“Finally decided to chop it off?” I ask, already knowing the answer. That man would never cut off his precious hair, even though he wears it in the most ridiculous style only he can seem to pull off.

“I could never do that, baby doll.” Hash gives me his sexy smile that I fell for the day I met him. “What would you have to grab onto?”

Crossing my arms, I roll my eyes as I move to stand in front of him. “I’m sure I can figure out something else. Are you free tonight?”

His smile wavers slightly as the light dims in his eyes. “Wouldn’t be anywhere else. I’ll be at your place around seven.”