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“I’ve felt for a while that I’m way down your priority list. You’re never home. Our stable, loving relationship has turned into a painful long-distance one. I worry every time you leave you’ll come back a little less in love with me. I’m always waiting for the worst to happen, scared that missing me will fade into forgetting me, replacing me…with someone else—”
“Lex, there’s never been anyone els—”
“Mark.”
He nodded and leaned forward, clasping his hands between his knees.
“Maybe there’s never been anyone else before…but there is now. You don’t get brownie points because you didn’t sleep with another woman until a few days ago.”
“Lex, it was a mistake, a stupid mistake.”
“A mistake is tossing a red sock into a washer filled with white clothes. This isn’t a mistake, Mark. This is a wrecking ball. It’s shattered what we had. You’ve broken us.”
“I know. I’m not trying to minimize what I’ve done or make excuses…sorry, poor choice of words.” He crossed his legs and uncrossed them again, unable to find a comfortable position. “Guilt has been gnawing at me. I keep forgetting my lines. I’ve barely slept—”
Alex huffed and crossed her arms.
“How I’ve been feeling doesn’t even compare to what I’ve put you through, Mouse. I know my word isn’t worth much right now, but it will never happen again—I don’t want to be with her. That is the God’s honest truth.”
“But you did that night.” Alex pinched her lips tight. “Know what hurts the most? Your blatant dishonesty. You shared your life and bed with her for years, but didn’t tell me. It was like I was relegated to a need-to-know basis, but Fallon knew who I was. She blurted it out: ‘Mark’s told me all about you.’ You should have told me all about her, Mark. For fuck’s sake, I’m your girlfriend! Your lying is unforgivable.”
“I don’t expect you to forgive me.”
“Good, because I can’t—”
Bruno Mars burst into song from Mark’s phone, facedown on the table.
“Aren’t you…?” Alex glanced at it.
“No.” He raised his voice to be heard above the music. “Lex, I know all the sorrys in the world won’t erase what I’ve done, but everything in my email was the truth, every word, and if I could, I would pick apart every minute of that evening to figure out why I…let myself…why I let you down so badly.”
Bruno’s warbling abruptly stopped.
“I wish you could, too. I’d like to know what you two got up to. I’d like to know why you would even want to go there—”
“Lex…”
“Well, come on! It must have been a pretty epic reason to have sex with her on our anniversary.” Alex gave him a pointed stare.
Mark glanced away and pawed a hand through his hair.
“Was she on top? Did you do it in a hot shower? No, you couldn’t have—you reeked of her. Shame we can’t relive the magic of Fallon coaxing you to finish—”
“Lex, don’t…” He scrunched his eyes. “I swear on Freddie’s life, I can’t remember a thing, not a single bloody second, and even if I could, it meant sod all.”
“I’m sure Fallon filled you in when you woke up.”
“She was crying, frantic…worried about Duff finding out.”
“Crocodile tears. Hope he dumps her.” Alex paused. “Did you use a condom?”
“I think so.”
“I thought you couldn’t remember.”
“The wrapper was on the duvet…” Mark forced the words out. “When I stumbled out of the bed…there was a used condom in the bedside bin.” His eyes fell with his shoulders. “Mouse, I’m so so sorry.”
Her nose prickled. Dammit. YOU are in control, Alex. YOU. She looked away and reached for her glass, but thought better of it, burying her hands in her lap.
