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“Would you like something to drink?”

“Wine would be great right now.” I accepted without hesitation.

I would need it to get through what I was about to do. It was time to choose my path. To do that, I would have to lay it all on the line. Alexander’s response to what I had to say would determine my chosen direction, as I had proved to be inept at maintaining a half-in relationship status. I would either be all in or not at all.

Alexander opened the bottled wine refrigerator and quickly made a selection. Popping the cork, he poured me a glass of white. I took a huge gulp and another until the glass was drained. I handed the glass back to him. He merely raised one eyebrow at me, then refilled it.

“What’s wrong, angel? Tell me.”

Angel.

I liked when Alexander called me that, but I knew only people who were dating typically used pet names. I wasn’t sure how we had gotten to that point since I couldn’t even say we were an official couple.

“I’m miserable because I feel like I constantly have this battle going on inside my head,” I confessed. “I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few days, and I’ve come to a conclusion. This thing between us cannot continue like it is. Something needs to give here.”

He cocked his head to one side, a look of confusion plain on his face.

“What are you trying to say?” he asked cautiously.

“Look, I’ve tried keeping separation between us, but it isn’t working. I had this fantastic idea I could somehow just have sex with you and want nothing more. It was a foolish notion on both of our parts. Your history with one-night stands probably worked to keep out emotional attachments in the past—but that isn’t what we are. It’s not who we’ve become. We’ve far surpassed that, and the more time goes on, the more I want. It doesn’t matter how much I fight it.”

“So, don’t try to fight it then,” he stated simply as if it were so easy.

“You don’t want me to? I mean, you want more than just the sex, too?”

“You’re not the only one navigating unfamiliar territory,” he admitted. “Long-term has never been in my vocab until I met you. At first, I thought I could manage a steady Dominant and submissive relationship with you. But you’re not built for it, and it’s not what I want anymore. My ideals have changed. I told you I don’t do teddy bears and roses, yet I had flowers delivered to you just yesterday. I’ve never done that for any woman before. I suggest we put away the idea of what we said we wanted and focus on what we want now.”

“I can’t do that,” I said, shaking my head.

“Then what’s the point of having this discussion?”

“Trust. I can’t focus on moving forward in this while we are both clinging to secrets.”

Alexander moved over to the couch and sat down. He ran his hands through his hair in a display of evident frustration.

“Krystina, as hard as I try, I don’t understand you. I know there are things in your past you aren’t telling me. But whatever it is, it’s getting in the way of us. Sure, we are certainly unconventional compared to most, but that doesn’t explain why you continually push me away. If we have any shot at making this work, you need to either tell me or get past whatever it is that’s holding you back.”

“That’s not fair. What you’re saying goes both ways.”

“You’re right, and I knew you’d say that. But you have to understand there are some things I can’t tell you because they involve others. I can’t tell a story that isn’t completely mine to tell. I think you’re only hell-bent on unlocking my past because you are desperately clinging to yours.”

“I am not,” I said stubbornly.

“Really? Then why can’t you let go enough to tell me?” he challenged.

I walked over to where he was sitting and looked down into his eyes. As I stared into those vibrant blues, I knew he was right. To build any sort of foundation, he needed the truth. And perhaps, if I gave in first, he would open himself up to me.

I took a shaky breath, trying to gather the courage to dispel my apprehension.

“Alright,” I said. “I’ll tell you. But I can’t say knowing it will make any bit of difference. In the end, my past defines who I am today. I can’t change that.”

“Go on,” he encouraged patiently.

“When I was still in college, I dated this guy for a couple of years. I’ve mentioned him before. His name is Trevor.”

“Yes. I remember,” he told me. His lips pinched into a thin line. I could tell he was trying to contain his irritation upon hearing my ex’s name, but I ignored it. This was far too important for me to waste time worrying about whether or not Alexander would be insulted.

“Well, he was super controlling, and that’s putting it mildly,” I continued. “I won’t bore you with the details, but you have to know I easily gave in to him. I gave up a lot to cater to his every whim, completely sacrificing who I was. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. That’s the reason why I’m so adamant about maintaining independence. I won’t let it happen again.”