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“Krystina, just tell me what’s on your mind,” he demanded, but his concern was unmistakable. The way I’d half emptied my glass had understandably taken him by surprise. It had taken me by surprise.

Drunk last night, pounding em’ down again tonight. At this rate, I’ll be in AA before the end of the week.

“I’m not sure where to start…”

“Take your time.” He watched me, patiently waiting for me to continue.

It’s okay. He needs to know, and you need to have your questions answered.

I took a deep breath.

“Look, I haven’t been with anyone in two years…at least not sexually. And to be honest, I haven’t wanted to. Being alone has suited me just fine. I had no interest in relationships or dating, and even sex. Until I met you.”

“Krystina, if you want a relationship⁠—”

“Please, Alex. Just listen. I have to get this out,” I said, holding up a hand to stop him from talking. “I’m not looking for some lifelong commitment—I’m good with just the sex. But you have to understand, agreeing to be with you is a huge step for me. We must keep it simple—no strings attached. I’m not ready for any emotional attachments. I’m trusting you’ll keep it that way.”

“I thought that’s what we already agreed on,” he said cautiously. “I’m not entirely sure where you’re going with this.”

“Last night, things got a bit complicated. At least for me, they did. You were right—I am extremely uneducated, especially on the whole BDSM thing. Up until this afternoon, I thought you just wanted to spank me and, well… you know. Play doctor or something,” I confessed.

My heart began to thud a rapid beat, quickened from nervous angst. My ignorance on the subject was beyond embarrassing, and I fought the flush threatening to overtake me.

“Role-playing can be a part of BDSM. It would depend on your preferences.” He was still somewhat guarded, and he waited to see where I was going with my admission.

“Yeah, well…about those preferences. I did a little bit of research online today.”

Heat rose up my neck. As much as I tried, I couldn’t stop it. And when I saw his eyes widen with curious speculation, it only heightened my humiliation further, deepening the crimson slowly covering my cheeks.

“And what exactly did you find, Krystina?”

“Lots of crazy shit. Toys, weird contraptions—you name it, I saw it. After seeing everything, I’m sort of confused now. I know there are levels of BDSM, S&M—whatever you want to call it,” I rambled. “I just need to know exactly what level you are before I get involved any deeper. Because, I have to say, some of the crap I saw was pretty freaky.”

“Oh, no…” he said, his handsome face revealing genuine alarm. He ran his hands through his hair and stood to pace back and forth in front of the coffee table. “Look, I can only imagine what you saw and what you’re probably thinking. I’m not an extremist, so let’s be clear on that much, at least.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, and my rapidly drumming pulse seemed to slow a bit. I didn’t honestly believe he was some twisted and demonic nympho who wanted to cause physical damage to me but hearing him say it aloud gave me a bit of consolation, at least.

“So, what level are you then?” I asked. I tried to keep the worry out of my voice, but it was a hard feat to manage since I wasn’t entirely sure what level I’d actually be comfortable with.

“I’m not really sure I would classify myself a particular level. This sort of thing isn’t that clinical. It’s about what we agree to do together and about what the submissive wants more than anything. Despite what you may have found online, BDSM is not abuse. At the end of the day, you are the one in control, Krystina. Not me.”

“Now you’re confusing me. How can I possibly be in control? I thought I was the one who was submitting to you.”

“You are. But it’s my job, as a Dom, to take care of you. I must be in tune with your needs to satisfy your every want and desire. If I’m not, and I make it all about me, then it is abuse.” The baffled look on my face was unmistakable. He stopped pacing, stepped up to me, and rested his hands reassuringly on my shoulders. “Forget about the nonsense you saw online and think about it seriously for a minute. Yes, I enjoy the high I feel when I’m in control and knowing I have the power to push you to your breaking point. But at any given moment, you can call everything to a halt. I may be the one who wields the whip, but you control the limits just by using a safeword.”

My stomach dropped at the thought of him using a whip, and I found myself wincing.

At least I know what a safeword is. Thank God for online research.

“I can’t just say ‘no’?” I asked, trying to keep the fear out of my voice.

“The word ‘no’ can be misunderstood, especially in a role-playing scenario. Picking a safeword is better.”

“But what if I’m tied up and helpless? You said you might push me to do things I don’t want to do. How can I trust you’ll stop even if I do use a safeword?”

“That’s the reason why I told you submission is hard. It’s not about making you do things you don’t want to. It’s about exploring together. I can show you the way, but you’ll need to trust me,” he said softly, leaning forward to brush a curly tendril of hair from my forehead. “I’m giving you my word. I would never push you further than you were willing to go, Krystina.”

I looked up searchingly at his face and tried to find something, anything that would give me insight as to what he was thinking. There was nothing sinister and evil in his sapphire eyes, but only patience and understanding.