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“I know you will be,” he replies. He says it with authority and confidence, like it’s the truest fact in the universe.

“What about you? Do you dream that dream?”

“I did, then I didn’t, and now… maybe.”

“What made you stop?” I ask.

“I was in a bad place after last time,” he admits. “I feel like that’s lifted, but I guess I’m playing things by ear. Baby steps.”

“With things in general or with me?” I stare straight ahead, eyes on the road in front of us.

He doesn’t answer me. I reach down for my bag and pull out my phone, texting Verity to tell her that Maddie left the house, but I’m bringing her back. The message remains unread. I assume Verity is in bed, or maybe busy watching a film. Hopefully I can have Maddie home before Verity notices or worries. I put my phone away, and Joseph clears his throat.

“I have no idea what will happen between us, Delilah, and honestly, it feels a bit scary to even hope or dream. More than once, I’ve thought we’ve been on the cusp of everything I wanted in life—with you—and more than once, we’ve lost that. I’m not appointing blame, so please don’t think I am, and I know any blame would lie on me anyway because it’s always been my actions. I’m just trying to explain that right now, I want to see if we can focus on the next few weeks rather than the bigger future.”

“I wasn’t asking for a marriage proposal,” I joke, still keeping my eyes on the road.

“I know that.” He laughs.

“I mean, your bedroom skills are second to none, but you’re not that good,” I tease.

“I know that too.” He laughs again, and I relax a little, feeling the tension dissipating between us. “When I say the short-term future, I do mean with you. I want us to get through these next few weeks with Maddie, whatever lies ahead with her treatment. I want to help out, be involved, support you through everything, and then I want to see how we all build relationships. I want to build one with Maddie, and I want to rebuild one with you.”

“Do things change, based on how Maddie reacts to things with you?” I ask.

“Like what?”

“Well, what if she wants to build a relationship with you, but she never wants you to say in public that you’re her father? How would you feel if the truth about your connection to her has to be kept a secret?”

“Then I’ll adapt to that.”

“What if it’s the opposite? If she wants everybody to know, and that means you admitting our connection? What if people see it as a problem, given the facts about you being my teacher?”

“Then we’ll do as she wants, and we’ll get through it.”

“As much as I know there wasn’t anything sinister about our relationship, people will still judge if they knew the details, probably worse now given you’re famous. A famous man with a slightly salacious past,” I say.

Although it doesn’t happen a lot, whenever the news breaks in the UK about a teacher having a relationship with a student, it always makes the papers. There are always comments and judgements, the people who clutch their pearls and demand for tighter monitoring. For the most part, I agree with them, because usually the student is a young teenager and the abuse of power is clear. The idea of Maddie ever being in a secret relationship with a teacher makes my stomach twist, but I know the circumstances around Joseph and me were different. Different, but just semantics when the general public get to weigh in on a topic. They won’t agree that it was okay because I was eighteen and he was only four years older, and that he was only a placement teacher for a few months. They’ll still focus on the facts they want. Student. Teacher. Age gap. Abuse of power. Vulnerable girl.

It would be worse because of who Joseph is. It could ruin his career.

“Would you be okay with that? You could live with that level of scrutiny?” he asks. I nod, because I think I’m strong enough to survive reading about my past in the papers. I’m just not sure he is. “I would be fine with it.” Joseph sounds sure and sincere.

“You sound so relaxed about everything, but it could ruin your career,” I point out.

“Maybe, but I’m sure I would be able to ride it out. The advantage of being in my position is that I get a platform to speak. I would be able to explain that nothing happened between us until after you left the school, when I’d already finished my teaching experience. I wouldn’t ever let them paint you as some love-struck teenager.”

“You’re not worried?”

“No, not really, but again, that’s a longer future prospect. We’ll cross each bridge as we get to it. I want to keep my focus on the shorter term, on building relationships, like I said.”

“It was only a few days ago that I swore you hated me,” I murmur.

“I’ve made bad decisions in the past, but I’m not going to do that again. I’m saying we take things slow, see where things lead. We’ll figure this all out, hour by hour if necessary. We shouldn’t let the what-ifs distract from that. What do you think?”

“Yeah. That sounds nice,” I reply.

Though “nice” isn’t the right sentiment for how I feel about what he’s said. It’s sensible, and whatever happens, we need to make sure Maddie is at the forefront of things. Nothing can blow up in her face. I have no idea how things will unfold between us, but I do know when we’re together, it might be explosive and pull me into a vortex, but it also makes me feel grounded and safe.