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“You never saw your mother again?” he asks. “I remember you saying so when we met last time, but you didn’t see her between then and when she died?”

“No. I heard a few things after she died. She was on and off with Duncan the whole time. I don’t know if she ever thought anything about me after I left. She certainly never tried to contact me. Dad took me out of her house that day and I never went back, never spoke to her again. She never knew about Maddie, but I don’t think she’d have given a shit anyway given she gave me so little consideration.”

“I always hated how she treated you. I hated that she put everybody before you. You always deserved so much more than her. That you’re such a wonderful person despite everything she did to hurt you is a testament to your good heart and soul,” he soothes.

“I don’t think I have a good heart and soul. I sometimes worry that I’m like her, or worse. I lash out. I’m poised for a fight. I’m quick to wound. I’m always ready to cut and run,” I whisper.

“No, sweetheart. That’s not true. You are nothing like her.”

“She stopped being a mother to me, and I stopped being a mother to Maddie,” I murmur, giving voice to the fears I’ve never had the ability to say before, not even to Felix.

Joseph holds me closer. For a moment, he doesn’t speak, just holds me tightly and waits for my breathing to settle.

“Your mother treated you like you were nothing, and she always put herself before you. She thought of her needs, her desires, her own life before she considered yours. You didn’t do that. You made every choice with Maddie and her future at the forefront of your mind. You made a true and selfless sacrifice, in a way your mother never would. What I said outside Felix’s house is true. You made the right decision. I didn’t see it two years ago. I was blind to it because I was sideswiped by the news, and I spent two years thinking about it only from my point of view, not from yours, like Felix pointed out to me.”

“Felix is a wise man,” I whisper. I try to discreetly wipe away a tear that’s formed, but either he notices or he knew they were there anyway, as he wipes my cheek, brushing the wetness away.

“Yeah, don’t tell him. I don’t think we’re quite at that bromance stage yet. It might take me longer to beg for forgiveness from him than you,” he jokes.

“All you need to do is prove you won’t hurt me,” I reply. It’s the fundamental part of my friendship with Felix. All Caleb had to do to gain my full trust was to prove he wouldn’t hurt Felix.

“I can’t promise you and I won’t have arguments and disagreements, or tough times, but I can promise I won’t hurt you again.”

“I can’t promise that there won’t be times I’m not going to push you away, or lash out, but I promise I’ll do my best to let myself trust you,” I whisper.

“I’ll do my best to earn it,” he replies.

“I think I’m going to go to sleep now. I’m pretty tired.”

“Then go to sleep. We can start taking everything one day at a time from tomorrow,” he says.

I pull away and turn on the bed, facing away from him, getting myself into a position I feel comfortable in.

“Tomorrow I’m going to go see Felix.”

“Are you going to throw me under the bus, Dee?” he teases.

“Well, you know I don’t keep secrets from Felix. So, yes, I’m going to tell him what happened tonight, but I was actually wondering if you wanted to come with me.”

“I’ll go wherever you want me to go,” he replies.

“Good. Besides, I think Caleb likes you.” I yawn.

“Caleb’s a good guy,” he says. I yawn again, and he chuckles. “Go to sleep, Delilah.”

“Goodnight, Joseph.”

I pull the covers closer around me and get comfortable. I listen to the sound of our breathing.

“Delilah,” he whispers into the darkness.

“Yes?”

“I want you to know….” He hesitates, the continues. “No matter what happens, I want you to know that you and Maddie, you’re my choice. I’m always going to choose you.”

I get a vague memory of when he’s said this to me before. Then, it made me feel giddy with the thrill of it, even if I never believed I was worthy of being anybody’s choice. Now, though, I know I am. I am worthy, and I deserve the love from my friends and family.

I am worth staying for.