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“I know he’ll be cross. He’ll remind me that his parents would have let me stay at their house. I’ve kept in touch with them over the year, but I heard their jokes about what they were going to get up to in Felix’s gap year. I didn’t want to be the one bringing chaos. Staying at theirs when Felix is home was fine; they always put it down to our friendship without knowing that some nights it was a necessity. This year just felt like a perfect storm. Mum’s drinking got so much worse, and Duncan’s presence was more frequent. I didn’t want to tell Felix everything, as he’d have wanted to come home. And I didn’t want to burden Jennifer and Cain, as they’d have told Felix, and he would have come home.”

“Are you going to tell him now that he’s back?” he asks.

“Yes. I don’t keep secrets from Felix, but I knew it would be better to tell him face to face. So, I’m a little anxious that he’ll be angry with me when I tell him everything.”

“I don’t think he’ll be angry. If anything, he’ll be upset that you didn’t tell him, but I’m sure he’ll be okay when he realises that you’re safe.”

“I think I’m just so used to doing things by myself. I was nine when Dad left. From that moment on, Mum fell to pieces. I went from being this kid who had parents who cared and looked after me to fending for myself. I’ve been ironing my clothes, cooking meals for myself, and caring for myself since then. I started working weekends as soon as I turned fourteen and could legally work just to have some money to buy necessities, like second-hand clothes from charity shops, to mix with clothes Felix gave to me. I’ve worked as many hours as I could, legally and mentally, at every stage to try to keep up with the things I need, to cover the things Mum forgot about or Dad didn’t pay for. I’ve relied on Felix and his parents for things as well, but there’s still some shame associated with that. To turn up unexpectedly because the cupboards at home were bare and I had no money for food, because I knew they’d let me stay and feed me. I know Jennifer and Cain know more than either Felix or I have told them, but still, I prefer to try to find a solution myself rather than dumping my problems on others.”

“Delilah,” Joseph says with a sigh. “You know you’re not a burden, right? Felix and his parents don’t do things for you out of obligation. They do it out of love. I don’t do things as an obligation either.”

He’s told me he loves me multiple times every day, and I tell him the same words back at least once, like a daily mantra. As much as I feel it, and feel secure that he loves me, it doesn’t ease the pain and hurt knowing the two people who should love me most, and should want to protect me from every hurt, don’t. That when people say “I love you,” it doesn’t always mean forever or unwavering.

“I know,” I whisper.

“You, Delilah Adler, are remarkable. You’re strong, and you don’t break under pressure. You can take care of yourself, but you do not have to. You can rely on the people who love you. They’re there for you. I’m here for you. Let yourself be loved. Let people look after you. Let me look after you. Know our love is unconditional, without repercussions or expectations. I’ll never hurt you.”

I nod slowly and gulp back the lump in my throat. Blink away the tears that threaten to overspill. Feel a little bit of the tension that appears to be making my shoulders rigid loosen.

“I think you and Felix will get on fine,” I reply, feeling like the words I really want to say would be too big to admit: “Please don’t be another person who hurts me. I think it would break me forever.”

“I’m sure too. How can we not when it’s clear we both love you?”

“Enough about Felix. Tomorrow will show if my best friend and my….” I trail off because I’ve never given Joseph a label before. There’s never been a requirement to because I don’t talk about him often. Even when I’m on the phone to Felix, I just refer to him as Joseph. There’s a guy, I once wrote in email. I really like him. I told him that in a text. Last night we had sex, and it was amazing. I didn’t know it could be like that. I said that to him on a phone call, followed by confirmation that I was staying at Joseph’s house.

“Your what, Dee?” Joseph teases.

“What do you call me when you’re talking about me?” I ask.

He looks thoughtful for a second.

“Girlfriend, but it’s more than that. You’re my choice. You will always be my choice.”

“Fine,” I reply, trying to keep the little smile off my face. “Tomorrow will show if my best friend and my boyfriend will get along.”

I glance at him and watch the grin spread across his face, like I’ve given him a prize. Apparently, giving somebody a title was another thing I didn’t know would provide strong emotions and reactions.

“Indeed. That’s tomorrow, though. Today is for having fun, and for cramming in as much as this place has to offer,” he proclaims. He pulls me to a stop, and I look up to see he’s walked me to an aquarium. “Come on. We have about ten minutes before we’re due at the turtle feeding.”

“Turtle feeding?” I laugh. I can’t decide if he’s just fallen lucky with an activity or if he remembers a small conversation, months ago, when he asked me about a little sketch of a sea turtle.

“Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind about liking turtles.” His brow furrows slightly, making me laugh harder.

“No, I love them. This is the best surprise. You're really spoiling me."

“As well you should be,” he confirms.

He gestures to the entrance of the aquarium, and I follow him inside, my cheeks already starting to ache from my wide smile.

***

Joseph buys me a sea turtle shaped stuffed animal in the gift shop after we’ve toured the aquarium. The gesture makes me emotional because proceeds are for the rehabilitation of a sea turtle they have just rescued, one with a missing flipper. The cuddly toy is so large that we have to go to the car to put it away before we can continue the rest of his plans for the day.

We stop at a little shop on the main street, where he buys us some things for swimming—beach towels and swimwear. We grab lunch at a little restaurant. Afterwards, we both change for the beach in the facilities, using the lockers to store our things, as Joseph says he wants us to do some swimming. We head to the beach and walk across the sand for what feels like ages, holding hands and weaving our way through families who are enjoying the late-summer sunshine.

We move closer to the waves, and then he pulls me into the water. My laughter feels free and genuine, and I know it’s because I’m truly happy and content. There’s nothing about today that I can fault. The sun is warm and the sky is a brilliant light blue, with only little whisps of thin, pure white clouds above us. The sea is warm enough that I’m not shivering in the water, and the way he looks at me as we fool around in the waves makes me feel warm too.

When it gets too cool to continue swimming, we wrap up in the beach towels, sitting on the sand and chatting for a while as we dry off. Then we head back to the lockers to reclaim our things. I expect he’ll want to get back on the road to go home, but he doesn’t seem to be in a rush. Wrapped in the towels, he takes my hand and leads me further down the beach until we arrive at a little bed and breakfast—one it turns out he’s booked us in for the night.