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“Come on downstairs for some sweet tea. We can tell your father, together, when he gets home.”
Verity sounds so sure and certain, and I hate to admit that it helps me feel a little settled. I’m sure all of that will change when I tell him that I’m pregnant. Will he call me careless? Will he demand I decide? Will he throw me out of his house if I choose something he doesn’t agree with? Will he advocate for one of the choices I already know I can’t do?
“I need to go and speak to Felix,” I state. I should have gone to him first. Telling him will be like a precursor to telling my father.
“Invite Felix around here. I know I have no right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, but I’d feel better if you stay home in your current emotional state, so ask him to come over for tea,” Verity offers.
“I’ll call him.”
“Okay, well, you call him while I put the kettle on. Come down when you’re ready.”
Verity gets up from the bed, putting my pregnancy test on my bedside table. I open the drawer and flick it in. I know it needs throwing away, but I’ll do it later. Maybe after I’ve used it as evidence to show Felix just what a situation I’m in.
Verity pauses at the bedroom door. She opens her mouth to speak and then closes it, like she’s thought better of it.
“What?” I ask.
“He won’t be mad.”
“Felix?”
“No, your father. He may have been absent from your life for years, but he’s always loved you. Some of his distance has been out of necessity,” she states.
“Necessity?”
“It isn’t my place to say, and I’m sure your dad plans to tell you at some point, but there were a lot of things that happened in the last year of your parents’ marriage. He couldn’t see you when you were younger because your mother had a restraining order after accusing him of hitting her after he discovered her affair. He stayed away because he had to, Delilah. He’s always loved you. He didn’t know what was going on here with your mother, and I need you to know how guilty he feels about the years you’ve suffered. William will do anything to make it up to you, and to show you he loves you. He’s made mistakes in the past, but reacting badly to this news won’t be one of them. Whatever you decide, he’ll be right by your side.”
“Thank you,” I reply, throat tight.
Dad has told me a few times that he wants to talk about everything that happened in the past, but he said he didn’t think I was ready to listen yet. He’s been full of apologies and remorse, even if he hasn’t told me all his truth. Although we haven’t had the long conversations, I’ve seen the evidence of his remorse on his face.
“Are you sure you can’t find a way to tell the father?” Verity asks.
“He’s ghosted me for weeks. His phone is disconnected, and I have no forwarding address.”
She frowns. “A man like that doesn’t sound like somebody who’s going to support you.”
“I know,” I whisper.
“Well, everything is your choice, Delilah, and a man who left you behind sure as hell doesn’t get a say in how you shape your future. Whatever you choose, you’ll have people around to support you. Me. Your father. Felix. Whatever you need and whatever you want, we’ll always be by your side.”
I just nod because I can’t trust myself to talk. She gives me a small smile and then leaves the room, shutting my bedroom door behind her.
I grab my mobile from my bag and text Felix, inviting him for dinner and telling him I have news, that he’s welcome to come over anytime when he’s free. He responds that he’s always free for me and on his way. His message makes me smile slightly, but then I lie back on the bed and take a deep breath as I stare up at the ceiling.
I place my hand over my stomach. I wonder how big this little collection of cells is that have derailed everything. Tiny, yet gigantic at the same time. Two other facts on opposite ends. I rub my belly and think about what the future could look like. Where do I see myself? Is there a baby there with me?
The only thing I know for certain is that Verity is right. This decision is my decision and mine only. Whatever I choose, I’m sure there will be judgement at some point, things I’ll have to explain. What I’ll have to explain remains unclear, but the only thing I know for certain is that I won’t ever have to explain this to Joseph Wakefield. He’s made it clear he’s out of my life and that I was never his true choice.
What I decide to do now, he’ll never know, because he was the one who chose to leave me behind, and for that, he’s the one who will need to make peace with his actions. Not me.
Chapter fifteen
Joseph
Present Day
“Sir, we have arrived.”
