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“You do not wish to marry me.” He said it more for his own benefit, to ensure that he had heard her right.
“No,” she said, her voice quiet but firm.
He felt like a prisoner released from his shackles, and the sigh that escaped him perhaps said more than he intended as his guilt eased.
Olivia laughed. “Well, I do not know that you need to look quite so relieved.”
He knew she was teasing as his expression had not altered. It rarely did. One of many faults that made his new nickname a joke.
But Clara did not seem to mind.
I’ll take responsible over charming any day.
Olivia toyed with the cuff of her sleeve before meeting his gaze once more. “Your brother was too hard on himself.”
His brows shot up in surprise. “Was he?” All he’d ever seen from his brother was confidence and surety. He’d always seemed to know exactly how to act and what to say. He’d been born to his role of eldest and heir, and no one had ever doubted his capacity to do it all. And with a smile, no less.
She nodded. “I do not believe he wished for you or your sister to know that he doubted himself, or make you think that he resented his role.” She lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “Perhaps he thought he would sound ungrateful if he spoke about wanting anything other than all that he’d been given.”
Alex stared at her with the sort of intensity that Clara teased him about. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was trying too hard to reconcile her words with his memories of his brother.
Olivia shifted closer to him. “Your brother judged himself so harshly for having personal desires or dreams,” she said. “He thought he was too selfish. Thought following his heart was such a bad thing.”
She rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, as if still exasperated with him. Alex got the impression this was a conversation the two of them had explored in depth.
“He used to say he was wicked, can you imagine?” Her laughter held only a hint of sadness.
“Wicked,” he repeated quietly, his mind going back to that conversation with Davenport and the pin that had started it all.
“Yes,” she continued. “The silly man never did seem to understand that he was hardly wicked for having desires and passions of his own, separate from his title.”
Her gaze met his and he knew without her saying that she was no longer strictly speaking about Frederick. She was addressing him now, and those clear blue eyes suddenly seemed so much older and wiser than her years.
“As I told your brother, one does not stop being an individual when he takes on a title. Putting family and duty above all else is noble, but a man cannot base his entire life trying to please everyone.”
Alex swallowed, his gaze darting to his right for a glimpse of Clara.
When he looked back, Olivia’s smile was knowing.
“Dear, we really should be going.” Olivia’s mother’s voice interrupted whatever she’d been about to say.
Olivia glanced over before leaning in. “I thank you for the offer you almost made,” she said. “And I officially relinquish you from whatever responsibilities you think you owe me.”
“Thank you,” he said, gratitude spilling out of him as he squeezed her hand that rested on his arm.
Her gaze moved past him toward Clara.
“Do not make the same mistakes as your brother,” she said. “Do not deny yourself just to please others. You’ll never succeed in pleasing everyone, anyway.”
She added this last part with a little shrug, and in the next heartbeat she was being led away from him, her family surrounding her.
Her father gave him a nod of acknowledgement as he passed and Alex was certain that he’d already known what his daughter was going to say.
When at last all of the guests were gone, he found himself alone in the foyer, the ladies having departed for their own rooms the moment the door was closed.
He stood there for ages, thinking over all that Olivia had said, his mind stretching and fumbling in its attempt to recast his brother as a man with fears, a man with wants that conflicted with duty, a man with doubts and insecurities.
He shouldn’t have been so surprised, he supposed.
