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Pretend You Love Me

Page 70

by Rose Ashwood

There’s a brief pause, and then Luca appears in the doorway with an expression of such profound disappointment that I nearly laugh. “Maisie Quinn,” he says, with the gravity of someone addressing an international diplomat who has just violated an important treaty. “That was classified information.”

“Sorry,” she says, not sounding sorry at all.

“Noah is going to be very disappointed,” he continues. “He worked very hard on the secret. It was a good secret. With planning. And flowers. And a special shirt.”

“A shirt?” I ask.

From the back room, Noah makes a sound like a wounded animal. “Luca,” he says. “For the love of God.”

“I’m helping,” Luca insists. “This is me helping. By creating narrative tension. It’s a writing technique.”

“It’s a disaster technique,” Noah says, and then he’s in the doorway, his hair standing slightly on end as if he’s been running his hands through it repeatedly. He looks at me for a long moment, something complicated moving across his face, and then says, very simply: “There’s no secret. We’re just… having a gathering. For friends. That’s all.”

“That’s definitely not all,” I tell him.

“It’s…” he starts, and then stops, apparently unable to come up with a convincing lie. “It’s a thing. A friend thing. With… cake.”

“Cupcakes,” Luca corrects. “There’s a difference. Cupcakes are individual. Cake is communal. It’s about portion control versus shared experience.”

“This is the least helpful you’ve ever been,” Noah tells him.

“I’m creating atmosphere,” Luca says. “Atmosphere is not helpful. Atmosphere is atmospheric.”

Throughout this exchange, I’ve been aware of a small, warm feeling building in my chest, not quite suspicion or anticipation, more like the awareness that comes when you know something good is about to happen and you’re trying very hard not to ruin it by pointing it out. I look at Noah, really look at him, at the careful arrangement of his expression and the slight tension in his shoulders, and feel my heart soften.

“Fine,” I say. “No more questions. Friend gathering. With secret cupcakes. Got it.”

The relief on his face is immediate and genuine. “Thank you,” he says, and then, before I can change my mind, he’s already turning back toward the kitchen. “I just need to… finish the… thing. With the… cupcakes. For the… gathering.”

He disappears into the back, Luca following with an elaborate series of gestures that appear to be communicating something about damage control, and I’m left standing in the middle of the café with Maisie on my hip and the distinct impression that whatever’s happening, it’s definitely not just a friend gathering.

“That was smooth,” Liv says, without looking up from her tablet. “Real smooth. Academy Award material.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I tell her.

“Sure you don’t,” she says. “That’s why you’re standing there with that face. The one that says you’ve figured it out but you’re pretending you haven’t because you’re polite.”

“I don’t have a face,” I say.

“You have several,” she says. “That’s how faces work. You’re currently wearing the one that says, ‘I know what’s happening but I’m going to let them have their moment because I’m a better person than they deserve.’”

“I’m definitely not that self-aware,” I tell her.

“You’re definitely that something,” she says, and then, without warning, “Your playlist is still a hate crime. Come fix it before I’m forced to take extreme measures.”

She hands me her phone with the music app already open, the playlist we made for the café’s morning shift displayed on the screen, and I take it automatically, already scrolling through to see what she’s talking about. “There’s nothing wrong with this,” I tell her. “It’s literally just coffee shop music.”

“It’s coffee shop music from 2014,” she says. “We need to move into this decade. Preferably this year. There are new songs, Elsie. Songs you’ve never heard. Songs that will change your life.”

“They’re not going to change my life,” I tell her.

“One might,” she says, with a small smile that seems loaded with meaning I can’t quite decipher. “You never know.”

Throughout all this, I’ve been vaguely aware of small changes to the café, extra flowers on the central table, the lights dimmer than they usually are, a particular quality to the air that suggests something is being kept just out of sight, but it isn’t until the afternoon light changes, angling through the front window in a way that catches the fairy lights Luca has strung along the top shelf, that I realise how thoroughly the place has been transformed. The lights flicker on all at once, dozens of tiny points of warmth against the dark wood of the shelves, creating the particular magic that happens when a familiar space is suddenly, completely new.

I stand in the middle of Page & Grounds with Maisie on my hip and Liv’s phone in my hand and the warm, certain knowledge that whatever’s happening, it’s happening because the people who love me have decided I’m worth the effort, and I think, not for the first time, that sometimes the universe gives you what you need, even when you didn’t know to ask for it.

The afternoon light has softened to that particular gold that makes everything look slightly magical, spilling across the café floor in long rectangles and catching the edges of the bookshelves in a way that makes the whole place feel like it’s holding its breath. I stand near the counter with Maisie balanced on my hip, genuinely confused about why nobody has suggested leaving yet. We’ve been here for hours. The twins are well past their normal naptime, running on what can only be described as “birthday party energy” despite the complete absence of an actual birthday, and I’m fairly certain I saw Milo attempt to eat a coaster seventeen minutes ago.