Back to 1984: The Birthday I Went Back
Page 2
Paul had said the valet was efficient, which meant he approved of the entire establishment.
My husband came around the table to stand behind my chair for the obligatory photograph. He wore the navy blazer I’d bought him two Christmases earlier, the one that made the gray at his temples look distinguished.
Men were allowed to become distinguished. Women were expected to look like Jennifer Lopez.
“Fifty,” Paul said, setting his hand on my shoulder. “Half a century.”
“You make me sound like a monument.”
“I’m proud of you.” He smiled down at me as he said it.
I wasn’t sure what I’d done to earn his pride. Moisturized, perhaps. Remembered which drawer held the appliance warranties and which cousin couldn’t sit near Aunt Margaret at Thanksgiving.
His hand squeezed my shoulder once, firm and familiar.
Paul had taken care of me for twenty-seven years. He’d made sure my tires were rotated and my prescriptions refilled. He kept jumper cables in both cars and knew which allergy medication didn’t make me sleepy. When Ben was nine and broke his arm after jumping from the garage in a Batman cape, Paul drove to the emergency room with one hand on the wheel and the other holding a dish towel full of melting ice against Ben’s elbow.
When Claire was hospitalized after the accident, he sat beside her bed with a yellow highlighter and read every pamphlet the nurses gave him. Paul believed a disaster could be managed if you found the correct binder.
He had shown up for our life and that mattered. It had mattered even during the years when I’d lain awake beside him, listening to the heating pipes knock in the walls and wondering how a marriage could be so full of history and still contain rooms neither of us entered.
“Smile,” Claire said, lifting her phone.
“I am smiling.”
“That’s your driver’s-license face.”
“It’s my birthday. I’m allowed one official-government smile.”
Paul bent slightly so his face appeared beside mine. He smelled faintly of soap and the bourbon he’d had before dinner.
Claire took three pictures, examined them, then took two more because Paul had blinked in one and Ben had made antlers behind my head in another.
“Benjamin,” I said.
“You’ll thank me when this is the family favorite.”
He gave me the crooked grin he’d had since childhood, one side of his mouth lifting before the other, as if happiness had to sneak past his defenses.
That grin had gotten him forgiven for a broken lamp, two detentions, an unauthorized dog, and one memorable incident involving the sprinkler system and a bottle rocket.
I loved that grin.
I loved Claire’s habit of pressing her lips together when she was concentrating, even while ordering cake or composing a text. I loved the tiny crease that appeared between her eyebrows whenever she was concentrating.
Ordinary things. The sort of details a mother noticed and remembered.
“Make a wish,” Ben said.
The waiter set the cake in front of me, looking relieved to have reached the table without setting anyone’s hair on fire.
“Happy birthday,” he said.
Claire began singing immediately. Ben joined in under his breath, and Paul sang on key, just like he did every year.
Strangers at nearby tables turned to watch, looking at the fifty candles covering the cake in a small, orderly blaze.
I closed my eyes.