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It’s no secret: my relationship with my mom has been a difficult one. One rehab stint after another has made us practically strangers.
“She wants to see me, says she’s clean.”
Her eyes soften. Sapphire knows this is a touchy subject after the years of hell me and my sister went through. “I’m sorry.” After a few moments, she asks, “What do you think you’ll do?”
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “A part of me knows I’ll always hold a place for her in my heart, but I’m not stupid. The last few times she reached out, all she wanted was money to get high. She didn’t care about me, just where her next fix was comin’ from.”
“Sin,” she whispers. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t have to be fine. You can talk to me.”
A few moments pass. “I always thought one day she’d get clean for real, but every time I hoped for it, she’d let me down again. I cut her off because of her behavior. I tried to help her so many times, but she just didn’t care.”
“That’s how addicts are,” she says gently. “Cutting her off at that point was probably good. You have every right to how you feel. Life wasn’t easy growing up, for either of us.”
“You miss your mom?”
“Of course. Every day.”
When Sapphire and Reap’s mom passed away, it was a shitty time for them to say the least. Their drunk father was too much of a selfish asshole to take care of them, so Reaper stepped up. He was more of a father to Sapphire than her own dad and I deeply respect him for that.
“It sucks,” I go on. “That you lost her so young. I never knew my dad; he was probably some deadbeat. Mom doesn’t even know. How fuckin’ shitty is that?”
“But a part of you wants to believe she’s better, right?”
“Well, she didn’t ask me for money, so that’s a start.”
“Sin, you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to.”
“I’ve thought about it. I just don’t want to be fed promises that don’t mean anything. She
sounded different, though. I wasn’t ready for the photo, but she looked… healthy. I’ve never seen her look good, not like this.”
“Maybe she has changed.”
“I won’t bet on it.” I know I sound bitter, but I can’t really be blamed.
“How is your sister?” Sapphire asks.
Manika is five years younger than me, and—a lot like Reap—I practically raised my sister, too. Maybe that’s why Reap and I bonded so much.
“You know Mika, she’s always turnin’ tricks. She’s coming down in a few weeks from Dallas. I haven’t told her about Mom. She’ll only get her hopes up.”
“That’s tough,” Sapphire says softly. “Mika suffered a lot in those early years.”
I guess you could say Sapphire and I come from similar broken homes. The only consolation was my mom hurt herself more than she did us kids. Physically, she never laid a hand on us, unlike Sapphire’s father. Just thinking about that piece of shit makes my blood boil.
But I’m also not gonna pretend my mom was a saint, either. She was okay letting us fend for ourselves, while I made sure Manika got what she needed.
“She did, as much as I tried to hide a lot from her. She was always smarter than I gave her credit for. I know she’d want to pursue a relationship with Mom if I told her she’d come back. But, frankly, I had to live with the heartbreak so many times before,” I admit. “I don’t want her goin’ through that again.”
“That’s understandable. You have to protect your peace. I get that, I’ve lived it.”
I glance down at her. “You don’t have to listen to this.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind. Really.”
