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“Hey,” Chris put on an earnest face, “there might be someone out there with it on their DVR just waiting for the right moment to watch. Anyway, the characters Whitney and Jesse decide to split the bill on their first date. Maye, let me ask you this…is it okay to split the bill on a first date? This is easy. I’m paying for dinner, no matter what. I’m planning dinner and I’m paying for it. I want my date to just enjoy themselves and let me take care of it.”

“Of course it’s okay to split dinner on a first date,” Maye argued. “While it’s quite chivalrous of you to pay for dinner, I don’t think it should be expected. I think splitting a dinner bill is completely acceptable on a first date.”

“It’s completely unacceptable,” Chris said, holding up a finger, “nay, it’s offensive.”

“You think it’s offensive to split a dinner bill? Okay, now you’re just rage baiting me. I think it’s a little old fashioned to not even be open to the idea.”

“Then call me old fashioned. I like old fashioned. I like old fashioned movies, I like an Old Fashioned, the drink—okay, imagine this…” Chris leaned forward in his chair. “I invite you out for a drink. What’s your favorite drink?”

“Ooh, that’s a tough one…” Maye froze. She couldn’t think of a single drink at that moment.

“If I’m taking you out, what would you want to have?” Chris asked.

From somewhere in the darkness, Maye heard Tracy’s voice. “Sex on the Beach!” She shouted, and the crew laughed.

“Thank you, audience member,” Chris said through a smile. “So I invite you for a drink. You oblige. I recommend one of my favorite places in all of Vancouver, The Mackenzie Room. I sorta know the owner so he reserves a couple of seats at the bar for us. When you arrive, you’re escorted to the bar where I am waiting for you. As soon as you sit down, the bartender delivers an Old Fashioned and a Sex on the Beach. We toast to life and love, and then spend the next hour-and-a-half relaxing and laughing. Maybe we share an appetizer the chef prepares just for us. Then, I walk you down the street, flag down a taxi, and tell the driver to take you wherever you need to go. How does that sound?”

“I think that sounds nice,” Maye said, not allowing herself to elaborate.

“Doesn’t it?” Chris repeated. “Because it was seamless. Frictionless. You didn’t have to think about boring logistics once. You just got to…be. Isn’t that nice? I love doing that stuff for people.”

Maye struggled to come up with a defense for her position, though she thought of one downside to that scenario. “But then you’re earning all the credit card points,” she said.

“You know what?” Chris froze like he was mulling over come backs in his mind. “I didn’t consider the points,” he conceded. “I guess the jury’s still out on splitting the bill.”

Chris looked down at his cards, then flipped to the next one. “You know what?” He said as he placed the cards back down on the table. “I have an idea.”

He pulled out his phone and held it in the air like he was taking a selfie. Instinctually, Maye looked at the camera and smiled for the picture. It took her only a few seconds to realize he was recording a video.

“Hey everybody,” Chris said to the camera. “I am currently at an undisclosed location filming a movie for an undisclosed holiday season,” he winked at the camera.

Maye’s stomach dropped when she saw that the number in the top-right corner of the screen kept going up, and suddenly it clicked.

“Wait, are you live right now??” She blurted out. The idea of being live on the internet again horrified her.

“What a way to make an entrance, Maye” Chris said. “You all might remember this gal right here from our online interaction a couple months ago. Everyone, this is Maye. Maye, everyone.”

“Hi, everyone,” she forced a smile and waved. And then, through clenched teeth, said, “I really don’t want to be embarrassed on the internet again.”

“Don’t worry,” Chris murmured back, “these are just my followers.”

This didn’t ease Maye’s worries in the way Chris probably intended to.

“We have a bit of a tease slash surprise for you today,” Chris said to his phone. “So where are we, Maye?”

As Maye opened her mouth, he interrupted.

“Actually, don’t answer that. We can’t say. What we can say is that we are hanging out and talking about…what are we talking about Maye?”

Chris turned to look at her. He smirked and gave a slight, encouraging nod.

“Well,” she said as she turned her attention to his phone screen. “We are talking about cliche dating concepts and the sometimes ridiculous choices people make in relationships, like when they crash a plane and fall in love with the Prime Minister of the island’s daughter, and then marry her in a traditional Tongan wedding ceremony.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Chris said as he placed a hand over his heart. “You didn’t tell me you saw that one. I’m touched.”

“And setting aside the record pace at which your character went from meeting the Prime Minister’s daughter to marrying into Tonga’s Parliament, you started by crashing your plane and ended up giving flying lessons as penance.” Maye threw her hands into the air and shook her head.

“Yeah,” Chris nodded. “Win-win, right?”