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I wipe my hand down my face and take in a breath, holding it.

“You look like there’s more eating at you than just the missing kid,” he says. And I’m not surprised he can read the stress on my face.

“He’s mine,” I say, my voice low.

“What?” he asks, but I don’t think it’s because he didn’t hear me or even that he’s shocked. He just wants me to say it again.

“Jamie is mine,” I repeat.

“Well shit, I could have told you that,” Tuck says, clicking on a couple of things.

“I knew it the moment I saw him. I didn’t buy that story about the coffee shop guy for two fucking minutes,” I say.

“So why didn’t you confront her about it? If you looked at the kid, had a Vader-Luke moment, why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I wanted her to tell me,” I grit out. “Because I wanted her to admit it. Hell, I would have liked it if she had come to me as soon as she found out she was pregnant. Especially since there was no doubt in her mind that the kid really is mine.”

“Why do you think she didn’t?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I say. “My guess is she didn’t want me in Jamie’s life. She didn’t want to share him.”

“You think?” he asks, and I shoot him a glance.

“What the hell else would it be?” I snap.

“Maybe she was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” I ask, hearing my own tone and realizing how it sounds right now.

“Afraid of what sharing him would look like with you. It was a onetime thing. You fucked her on a Ferris wheel.”

“Don’t say it like that,” I growl. But he doesn’t back down. He never does.

“That’s what it was at the time, though. Nothing was supposed to come of it. You’ve admitted that. Not a relationship, not feelings, definitely not a kid. Both of you moved on with life.”

“But I didn’t. Not completely. I thought about her constantly,” I admit.

“So you could have reached out too. I’m thinking that for the most part, both of you are at fault. You wanted her and still do, but didn’t look for her even though you could have found her immediately. She was pregnant and afraid to get ahold of you, probably because she was afraid of how you’d react and what you’d do. It’s both y’all’s fault.”

“I think hiding a baby is a lot bigger of a deal than ignoring feelings,” I say and immediately regret it.

“Ha!” He claps, sitting up straight in his chair. “So you admit it. There are feelings and always have been. Do you love her?”

“I’m not talking about this right now,” I mutter.

“So that’s a yes. And obviously you love the kid. So it’s not complicated.”

“Except that it is, Tuck,” I say. “Very fucking complicated. She kept him from me. For five fucking years. And after I hired her, she cat and moused me the entire time.”

“To be fair, I think you’re both guilty of that,” he says, and I’m over this conversation.

“It’s not the same. And all that matters right now is finding Jamie and seeing to it that I am in his life from now on. Whatever that looks like,” I say. And I mean it. I don’t know what that looks like. What it entails or what she wants. But I do know I’m not going anywhere. I’m bringing him home. For her. For me. For us.

The next day drags. More than once, Tuck lets me know they see something. A bank charge. Movement on one of the screens. But each time, it’s a false alarm or not something that matters. It might make Natalie feel better knowing they went through a McDonald’s drive-thru. There’s no way that was for them, especially since the charge is the exact amount of a chicken nugget Happy Meal. But I wouldn’t put it past Garrett to order off the kid’s menu.

To make matters worse, Natalie keeps calling to ask if we’ve seen anything yet or if we have any leads. Every time I have to tell her no, and every time I hear the devastation in her voice. I want to crawl through the phone and pull her into my arms and tell her it’s going to be okay.

Finally, around one the following morning, Agent Chen wakes me from a light sleep in the command room.