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A hand clamps around my ankle as my world flips upside down.

“Blyat.” I hear a loud growl as my body hangs weightless for a second before I’m yanked back, only then realising I’d already tipped over the railing.

The moment my back touches the concrete I see a fist coming my way and the alcohol dulls the pain but it doesn’t stop the blood from leaking from my busted lip.

“What the fuck, arsehole.” Alec growls in my ear.

My head swings to the left when I feel another punch landing a hard blow on my cheek.

“Why fucking jump when I can kill you with my bare fucking hands?” Alec slams a fist into my chest before hauling my unsteady body up, forcing me onto my wobbly legs.

“Are you fucking insane?” Says Roman with so much rage.

I’m shocked he wasn’t the one to punch me first.

I wasn’t going to tell them I hadn’t meant to jump—I must’ve just lost control, but the punches were dulling everything, the hurricane in my head slowly unwinding. Their beating was innocuous anyway.

“Fuck!” Alec growls at my lack of response, then shoves me down until I am sitting with my back against the railing.

The two following soon, dropping down on either side of me. “Your psychiatrist said you destroyed her office.” Roman sighs. “Figured I’d find you here.”

Not only does my psychiatrist think I’m insane, but so do my friends.

They keep trying to mould me into a shape of their liking that fits their world. While telling me my world drowned or worse, she isn’t real at all.

“Give up, Roman.” My movements are choppy as I haul my unfeeling body. “If one more person tells me she’s not real, I might actually start stabbing people.”

“I told you I’d help you find her.” Roman’s voice stops me in my tracks, “but she doesn’t exist. It’s all in your head.” He charges towards me.

“Is that why you begged me to see a shrink? Because I’m seeing…things?” I shout back, disconsolation piercing my voice. “Fuck you, Roman.” And I hit him before he lifts his fist.

“You’re just as aware, we did everything to look for her. Stop wasting your life over a stupid dream or nightmare, whatever.” He spits blood and punches me back with equal measure.

My body jerks back as I fall on my arse, the punch is so strong no amount of intoxication can hide the throb in my cheek as I feel the skin split.

“How about you mind your own business?” I smirk, hissing when the back of my hand swipes against the raw wound. “I’m not your responsibility, stop cosseting me like I’m a fucking child. Just fucking stop, Roman.”

“Sergei.” Alec growls.

“No, fuck you too Alec. You’re out here calling me wired all wrong, forcing me into sessions that feel like someone’s shoving needles into my brain for their own fucking amusement.” I yell, my voice raw with rage. “All so you can pat yourself on the back.” I laugh, humourless.

“You’re just fucking jealous I found hope in this godforsaken world while you’re still as pathetic and lonely as the day you were born.”

I start to turn, my chest heaving with pent up rage.

“You’re just as fucked as we are.” Roman stalks in my direction, his movement relaxed but the darkness in his gaze is anything but.

“You are just as lonely, probably lonelier.” A faint, almost clinical smile pulls at his lips. “Because you think there’s a girl out there who’s going to save the broken you.” His finger pointed at my chest. “News flash, she isn’t real.”

“Stop speaking, Roman.” I grunt, my rage snapping with a loud crack.

“You are chasing to fill a void to make up for the fact that your mother left you, stop chasing a fucking ghos—”

“Stop. Fucking. Talking!”

An engine roars somewhere beyond the bridge.

I turn towards the sound, ignoring Roman as a sudden ache settles in my chest.