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As William’s strength and power returned, the most personal problem facing him these days was how Jordan felt about his appearance now that he was flawed. God love her, she insisted it made no difference at all, which it truly didn’t to her. He was beautiful with two eyes or one. She noticed for the first few days he had difficulty looking her straight in the eye until she demanded to know why he would not look at her. His much-drawn-out reason nearly broke her heart.
They were sitting at the table after sup one night, gazing into the hearth. William sat next to her, his hand on her belly, seemingly dazed by the flames. Jordan kept glancing at him, wondering why he seemed so subdued these days.
“English, what’s wrong with ye?” she finally asked.
He glanced at her quickly and looked away. “Nothing. Why do you ask?”
She raised an eyebrow at him and grasped his face, forcing him to look at her. He did, reluctantly. “Why dunna ye look at me anymore? Is it because I am so fat that ye canna stand the sight of me?”
He let out a sharp sigh. “God, no. Where do you get these daft ideas?”
He tried to look away again but she would not let him. Instead, she wedged herself onto his lap and refused to let go of his face. He was facing her, all right, but he was looking at the ground.
“Look at me!” she snapped softly.
He did, his gaze hooded. She studied his face closely, every beautiful feature. Finally, she softened. “Are ye embarrassed because of yer eye?”
He didn’t answer her, trying to pull her against him but she balked. “Answer me. Is it yer eye?”
He pursed his lips faintly. “I am not the man I once was.”
She scowled something fierce and hopped from his lap. “In what way? Yer still the man I married, the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on. Why do ye make that ridiculous statement?”
“It’s not ridiculous,” he said softly.
“It is,” she returned, her rage gaining speed. “Then if that is the case, I am not the woman I used to be. I used to be slim and lovely, and now I am as fat as a cow. Do ye love me any less?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why would you think I would love you any less simply because ye lost a small portion of yer body? I would not love ye any less if ye lost a finger, much less an eye.” She was angry with him, yet pleading with him all the same. “English, yer beauty isn’t merely yer handsome face. It is yer heart and yer spirit. I am disappointed that ye would put so much stock in your appearance.”
“I am not putting stock in my appearance,” he insisted uncomfortably. “ ’Tis just… oh, God, you would not understand.”
“Tell me,” she demanded softly.
He picked up her anger, his jaw ticking. “I am…I am flawed, Jordan. God, I look at you and you are so beautiful and perfect and I feel so unworthy of you.” He winced at the confession, rising to stand with his back to her. He hadn’t meant to tell her his most inner fears but they came tumbling out anyway. “I am sorry, love. I do not mean to sound angry with you. But I cannot help these feelings.”
She softened tremendously, feeling so very sorry for him. Lord only knew how she would feel if she were flawed in anyway, but she had meant what she said.
“I’d love ye if ye lost both arms and legs, English, if yer face was ripped from yer head,” she murmured. “Ye’re like a beautiful package – delightful to look at, but the real treasure is inside.”
He stood still a moment, staring at the floor. Then, slowly, he turned to face her. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
She smiled, moving to him and enveloping him in her embrace. “Aye, now that ye’re properly convinced that outward appearances dunna matter, I would see no look of disgust in yer eye when I get even fatter before this babe is born.”
He feigned shock. “My God, is that possible? That you will get even fatter? I surely cannot share my bed with you, then. ’Twould be like sleeping with Kieran.”
Her brows drew together in good-humored outrage. “Kieran is not fat. He has not a bit of fat on him.”
“And how would you know?” his eyes narrowed.
She purposely looked away in an exaggerated gesture. “I have touched the man, English. I do believe his arms are bigger than yers.”
He raised a ravens-wing brow. “His arm had better be all you have touched.”
She giggled as he whipped her back into his grip, his lips clamping down on the soft white silk of her neck.
And thank God for Kieran. He seemed to understand William’s dilemma perfectly, even without being told. The linen patch William was wearing was most unattractive, adding to his self-consciousness, so Kieran took it upon himself to take care of it.