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Clearing his throat, Shilo throws me a sideways glance, trembling slightly. “I’m, uh, actually going to be putting in my two-week notice on Monday. I’ll have to retake this course next year, which will set me back a bit, but it’s not too big of a deal.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I bark, sharper than intended. Softening my voice, I try again. “You don’t have to quit just because we’re ending our sexual arrangement, Shilo. I won’t force you into anything.”
His shoulders droop at that. “I don’t think I can just pretend. It’ll be too hard.”
“Pretend what?”
Meeting my gaze fully, I’m stunned by the sadness swimming in his pale blue eyes. “That I don’t have feelings for you.”
The air is knocked out of me, and all I can do is stare as I flounder for a response.
My brain tries to sort through this logically. Feelings? How is that even possible? Technically, we only fucked once. That first time in August didn’t count, I wasn’t even able to fully penetrate him.
But then it hits me how many firsts I’ve been for him, and it all makes sense. Of course he would grow attached. He’s young. I’m the only man he’s ever been with.
The only one he’ll ever be with.
I quickly shake that thought away, even though imagining him with anyone else has me furious.
He’s not mine. I can’t keep him. So I need to let him go.
Running a hand through my hair, I take a step closer. “Look, you don’t need to quit. If being my assistant is no longer an option, I’ll find you another position.”
His head tilts, purple strands falling over his brow. “You’d do that for me?”
I don’t want to. But I will.
“Declan and I promised Paige that we’d help you. Callahan men keep their promises.”
Jesus Christ. Dad’s words bite me in the ass again.
“Okay,” Shilo says slowly, expression cautious. “That would be cool. I’d appreciate that.”
An awkward silence falls over us. I get the sense that he’s ready for me to leave, but I don’t want to go. The image of how I found him earlier, kneeling before the toilet, makes me want to push him down onto the bed and worship his body until he forgets his insecurities, but that’s no longer my place. If it ever was.
I’d just make it worse.
“Come to the startup meeting Monday,” I say finally, feeling hoarse. “I’ll hand you over to Liza. She’s in charge of our developers. I’m sure she’ll find work for you.”
He perks up at that, almost excited, and my petty heart revolts. “Thank you, Mr. Callahan.”
Goddammit.
With nothing left to say, I nod curtly before heading to the door. My hand grips the handle, and I’m about to step into the hallway when Shilo’s soft voice stops me.
“I mean it,” he whispers, his gaze steady for once. “Thanks for everything.”
“You’re welcome.”
Giving him one last glance, I shut the door behind me, making my way out of the house. Declan is still somewhere inside, but I send him a text to thank Sheila for dinner. Mark can go fuck himself.
Once inside the car, I buckle up and lean against the headrest, staring blankly out the windshield. If I breathe deep enough, I swear I can still smell the floral scent of Shilo’s body wash, and the memory of what we did has my cock swelling despite the dejected feeling in my chest.
I guess it’s back to bars and hookups.
As I pull away from the curb, my eyes catch on his silhouette, watching me from his bedroom window, and I can’t help but think how much I don’t want to return to that. Not at all.
Too little, too late.